On Not Having A Speech Prepared

I'd like to thank God for believing in me when I myself wasn't sure I existed. I'd like to thank my mom and dad for getting me into this mess! I'd like to thank my friends, all of them, too many to name, and besides - some of them would probably consider themselves to be "more acquaintances" anyway, so best not to stick one's neck out and force an embarrassing clarification to be made. Heck, while I'm at it, I'd like to thank my acquaintances! What do these silly social designations matter anyhow? I'd like to thank my ex-girlfriends, except for that one.

I'd like to thank my ex-wife, whoever she turns out to be.

I'd like to thank Bill. Bill, whoever you are, that note you left on my windshield has motivated me to be more considerate in my parking ever since.

I'd like to thank the physical laws of the universe, which a lot of people sadly take for granted. But how could we do science without them? Speaking of the sciences, I'd like to thank Alfred Nobel, a dynamite philanthropist as far as I'm concerned. Top notch! His Nobel Prize is what I really would like to be accepting right now, but since they don't seem to see fit to have a category for me, I'll take this thing. I'm happy with this thing.

Does anyone know what this statuette is supposed to be depicting? I like it. Kind of swoopy!

I'd like to thank the sculptor.

I'd like to thank the orchestra. What is that number you're playing just now? Beautiful! Very stirring.

I'd like to thank the lovely young lady tugging emphatically on my arm. Patience, dear! People are watching. Please, now.

I'd like to thank Shakespeare. Hey, you have to admit, he did it first and in a lot of ways, better. Let's not lose sight of that.

Let's see. Who else. Oh okay, fine - BYE.