Do You Feel Lucky?

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Sunday, May 02, 2010

My Week-By-Week POETRY MONTH CRITIQUE!!

So. Last month was Poetry Month, as you know. And I made a special effort. But I think I need to start taking an extra step throughout the year, as well. To put the spotlight on poetry. Because just like the Spirit of Christmas, the true Spirit of Poetry Month is something that needs to live in our hearts year round, or else really it doesn't mean shit. Right? Come on, that's the truth there.

So every month, I think I'm going to start doing a week-by-week critique of the previous month's poems (on my Poem-A-Day-On-Average Poetry Blog). Just to kind of give some highlights, track the overall progress, maybe call bullshit on a substandard effort, here or there. Sometimes it's not apparent right when you write a poem, whether it's good or bad.

Actually, I doubt enough time has passed to give me that kind of perspective on last month's poems - especially the ones I only wrote last week. But what the hell, I'll just pass over the ones that still leave me dumbfounded, and remark on the ones for which some definite opinion has formed. Enough preamble.

CRITIQUE ARE "GO"!!:

April 2nd's "prop" seems overly mannered. Perhaps this serves the theatricality of the poem's enclosing metaphor.

April 3rd's "the breakfast dishes" is just fun! I love it. There's a sense there of something else going on or wrong in the relationship, but you know, we'll deal with that after breakfast. Or not!

"if I fell from stars" from April 5 is a love poem. I really like it. It reminds me of this one, although very different things are going on.

"holding ten bouquets," from April 15, is a true story. I feel like the poem itself could be better. Possibly a candidate for a re-do, down the road.

"Ode to F'ing Spring" is just a fun little romp! I enjoyed this one very much. But somebody hated it! They clicked 'hurt', and they gave it a 1-star "I hate it" rating. Isn't that funny? Because - who could hate this? Who could be hurt? So now I feel this poem conceals deep and moving depths, perhaps elements of the hateful, the hurtful - of which I'd been previously unaware. It makes the poem that much more.

All of which makes me very glad that I put those ratings and reactions in!

"a shadow of wings" - I really thought this was going to be really good. Halfway through it, I could taste how good it was going to be. The overall effect of the finished poem is kind of a pale shadow of what I thought it would be. It kind of sucks!

"nine times the shine": what the hell does the title (which is also the first line) have to do with the rest of the poem?

I'm a harsh critic, I know. That's one reason I refuse to ever, ever comment right there on the poems themselves.

Shoot. I just realized, I'm not really breaking this up "Week-By-Week". Well, at any rate, I'm doing them in chronological order.

Anyway, I've reached the last mad rush to catch up to my poem-a-day-pace in April. I did close to 20 poems on Wednesday the 28th alone.

"trampoline" - I like how this one makes me sound a little like a dirty old perv! Hey old man, whatchoo writing poems about them girls on the trampoline for?

Hm. Just so you know, some of these poems I'm passing over without comment I really like a lot, I just don't know what to say. There are some tucked-in gems in there.

"another thing I never" - actually, I do want to find out what the hell they do at that installation up there.

"cake and eat it (a haiku)" - something that's always bothered me about that saying. And probably a lot of other people too, I'm sure!

"Der Murderer" - I love this one! He lives in a children's book German Existentialist world narrated by Werner Herzog. The people are ruled by their fear of this grim outsider; though he is one of them, he is not of their world. It is through their fear of him that he remakes their world in his image.

"I like" - this poem is an absolute mess. But it's almost completely redeemed by the part about helping old ladies!

"you'll use that dirty talk" - puerile.

"profile" - now THIS one is creepy. Stalkeriffic. It was originally titled, "There's Crazy People Out There On The Internet, People!" As a warning, too true, but as a title...that sucked.

"summer as usual" - I can't put my finger on what I like so much about this one. Is it the sense that beneath the surface, something has been bled dry? Or maybe everything's fine, and the summer sun just saps you out. Maybe that's it: the creeping sense that under it all, maybe everything's just fine.

But perhaps it should be better than just fine.

"the sky" - I thought this was clever at the time, but now it seems needlessly didactic.

"unpracticed art" - another true story. "Whoops!" The original title for this was "the mechanism's easy."

"mighty explorer, immortal, unknown" - there are WAY too many poems already about this same thing. This was right about the end of my "poem push." Everything after this was not to catch up, anymore - I'd already caught up.

"that kiss better be sincere" - the ending's a bit too neat, but I like the poem.

"frogs, myopia" - this poem kicks ass. This is the best poem I have ever done! It's about getting frogs to wear corrective eyewear. Awesome!

Of course, here's one where maybe perspective hasn't yet kicked in. I did only write it a few days ago. Still: "It would take...a Godlike Optometrist..."

The whole thing's poetry gold.

That's as good a place to stop as any!

5 comments:

Jen said...

I liked "I like" very much. Just the way it sounds. The way it flows. Clearly the narrator is one cool dude.

"Profile" was chilling, esp. that last line. But until I read your critique, I didn't quite get it. I was picturing someone's literal profile, and thought the narrator was talking to his g.f., not someone he met on the Internet. Now it all makes sense.

Jen said...

"summer as usual" definitely implies that the two lovers were very wrong about everything being great. But that's exactly why I DON'T like it.

dogimo said...

You know what? I just re-read "profile" with your original interp in mind, and I think it works as well.

In that reading, "picture" just stands in for how a person looks, and is that really them? Or the image we create from the visual, and the things we fill our image in with, to turn a person into a picture into a story that makes sense to us. The use of every scrap we can get of another person's personal, to depersonalize them into a story we tell ourselves about who they are and what they are like.

Yeah, I think it works as either medium. Sad fact is, people who interact and think this way don't need the internet to turn you into what you're not.

Mel said...

I hope you don't mind, but I was so caught up in the spirit of critiquiness that I decided to critique your critiques.

"holding ten bouquets" I like the fact that we were told this is a true story. As well, the acknowledgment that the poem could be improved upon is refreshingly honest and shows that an innate enthusiasm for self-congratulation has been tempered with a keen eye for admitting faults. Ditto for shadow of wings, nine times the shine and the sky.

"trampoline" – This made me see the poem in a completely different light, because prior to reading the critique I hadn’t sensed the Lolitta meets Gary Puckett’s Young Girl vibe of the poem.

"you'll use that dirty talk" – Short and sharp. Nails it. My favourite of your critiques. Bravo!

"profile" – I’m a fan of the term stalkeriffic now, and I enjoyed being shown a bit of the creative process by having the original title revealed.

"frogs, myopia" – I love the chirpiness to this critique! The author is clearly completely chuffed with himself and the excitement is infectious!

dogimo said...

@Mel - AWESOME!

I can hardly ever get enough criticism, good or bad! Or indifferent.

The phrase "indifferent criticism" has a real cool bite to it.

I should clarify that the pervy interpretation of "trampoline" was entirely after-the-fact! At the time of writing, I was only thinking "aw, man. They get a trampoline."

In contrast to "profile", where the whole point was to sketch out the portrait of one who uses another - where having the other fit into this role that the one invented is more important than who and what that person actually is. Like this one here: used without permission.

A lot of my first-person ones aren't from my own p.o.v.