So it's June, that means it's MAY-TIME!! Time to do my monthly review of the previous month's crop of poems. I.e. the merry month of May in this case!
May is a top month in a lot of culture's calendars, from Catholics to Communists. The ancient Incan Aztecs by comparison, didn't even know what May is - despite the name of their calendar ("The Mayan Calendar") ought to have tipped them off! But though they may have been in that sense ignorant bastards, yet those of us who look to their calendar's expiration to cue the end of our world know (or feel) that they were very well-advanced in other areas. Leave that aside, it's controversial. For me personally, May is a month I hold near and dear to my heart for a lot of reasons - and this month's crop of poems bears those out in diamonds and spades, I'm pretty sure! But then, that's what this little stop-and-review is for: I don't mean to be pretty sure. I mean to make damn sure. So you be the judge! And so will I.
So: how did May treat poetry lovers on my poetry blog? ROUGH as usual! But some like it that way - I know I don't! Still, let's ditch all this further ado and in lieu of that noise, forge forward with depth, cutting criticism and (one hopes) poise, a bit of poise perhaps, for all the poise-fans out there. I always like to throw the bone to the poise-fans. Poise-fans in the house say "o"!
So: I give you THE POEMS OF MAY. Check this out, there were 31 of them. Did I nail it or what?! Right on the head! Roll call:
▼ May (31)
stay the course
quite, really
the milk I just bought
nothing beautiful
we, the underground
back arrow
Summer will come, and when it does
what you wish for
the gift of love
we'll always have hell
dedication
file tools click invert
if I could cut this glass in half, and make it full...
failures of technology
trying to duck
struggle and clash
'til death do us
a kind of person
presentation
that straightened out!
the hoarder
flown
stark and cold
brunch, for mother
osmosis
when I say "fine"
words stolen back
new middling extremes
More Rhymes Dissing Ordinary People
the fatal clue
in Octoberland
Hm. That, right there, looks kind of like a poem. And you know what? BOMP!! It is! A little tweakin' on the line-breaks, some punctuation assist, we now have "May (31)" - a fine June poem. We'll have to wait 'til next month's critique to see what I think of it. Right now, the act of creation is just too fresh.
Still, a powerful example of just how easy poetry is.
WARNING: I'm doing the critique a little differently this time. Instead of picking out only the highest and lowest to remark upon, I'm going to have at least a little something to say about every single poem. So...be advised: don't click the expand thingy unless you're really in the mood for a good, long slog of scintillating criticism and deeply-appreciated poetry appreciation.
EDIT: OK, the expand thingy doesn't work with my template. So...this line below represents where the expand thingy would be if it did work:
I'm going to work backwards this time, critique-wise. Because that's how they display, after all - top poem newest.
"stay the course" was brilliant. Commenter willow said so: "A Lewis and Clark-ish kind of love poem. Brilliant." I can't disagree with willow on pretty much anything, and I'd advise you to not be able to do the same! Although personally, I'd have said "delightful" not "brilliant," but I'm kind of understated that way anyway. willow's always making me blush.
"quite, really" was OK. I like "grand sweeps of -iose"! "the milk I just bought" - kind of cute; it may grow on me as it ages. Or it may grow sour and moldy. That's the risk you take, and I for one will take it! "nothing beautiful" I don't like as much as I first did when I did it. "we, the underground" I am almost certain to revist! To revise. I love the sentiment, the feel; but I was not quite able to nail it on this pass. Perhaps the memory was too fresh?
"back arrow" sure sucked to start off, but then it kicked - first into gear, then ass. "hot damn," notes commenter Mel. "Summer will come, and when it does" - I liked this one. I just did. Still do. I may have to come back and revise it, it could possibly benefit by being a bit more lyrical?
"what you wish for" - grim, disconcerting. Chills one's blood with sangfroid. "the gift of love" - a throwback to my earlier goofy "love pome" style at first, but it picks up subtle heft as it goes. No wait. Actually it doesn't. I must have been thinking of another poem. "we'll always have hell" - another rather grim one, salty with the tang of bitten-tongue blood. "dedication" - I love to read! This one goes out to writers who are the reasons why (albeit, of course this broader dedication here should be considered to be non-gender specific, though the original "dedication" wasn't!).
"file tools click invert" - why did I spend so much time and effort on this when the end result sucks? It was like one of those Vietnam situations I guess. "if I could cut this glass in half, and make it full again" - there is a song I have called "Cut The Glass In Half", that uses the same basic imagery, but none of the same actual turns of phrase - and actually has a completely different point. And I like both quite a lot! But only one could be a song. Commenter Debbie was also touched, "In a good way."
"failures of technology" - this one also hearkens back to my earlier goofy "love pome" style, and also fails to pick up heft as it goes. But I kind of like it, I think it works. "trying to duck" - what the fuck. I guess that's one way to end a poem. "struggle and clash" is entirely, entirely sincere. Albeit, with (as commenter Jen observed) a "grim turn right around the middle." "'til death do us" is great! I love it. That damn bird!
"a kind of person" - I don't get it. I mean, honestly. I'm not sure I got across whatever it is I may have been trying to say here, but I don't think I did. "presentation" - here is another poem that represents a bit of a throwback to my earlier goofy "love pome" style. You know what, that style appears to be going strong; I'm not sure I can legitimately be calling these "throwbacks." "that straightened out!" - another one. Of the rarer disharmony variant.
"the hoarder" is excellent. Well done, and only a little trouble with the end, smoothness-wise. I mean the part where the ambiguity between stacks of mental calendars and stacks of physical detritus may not be entirely deliberate (ambiguity-wise). "flown" is the sort of poem that makes me think I can write good poetry. It's good. I have other ungainlier ones that I enjoy or love more, but this poem is damn gainly. "stark and cold" is kind of hard for me to critique. "brunch, for mother" is both awful and hilarious, and I think, pretty neatly done as well!
"osmosis" seems callow to me now. Is it just grousing? I don't know. If so, it's tolerably well-done grousing; but I don't know that's points in its favor. I do like how it ends - a bit of a turn.
"when I say 'fine'" is kind of a bit of soapboxing, I guess. Not sure if anything about this poem is necessary. Well, I guess there is some pretty imagery in it. Still, all a little too pat and facile, for my tastes. I wouldn't call it fine. "words stolen back" is far better in terms of imagery. I love the imagery, in fact. Though there's something about it all that rings a little guilty to me. Not sure I can elaborate on that.
"new middling extremes" oh, I don't want to like this one. I think it's the title that bothers me, makes it seem shallow or merely clever. Perhaps I should just rename it, because the poem itself is very neat! "More Rhymes Dissing Ordinary People" is just dumb. No more to say about that one, but it bears repeating: dumb, dumb! "the fatal clue" is fun, fun! I love it. It needs and misses something, though. It's missing one line, in there, someplace. Something elementary, something the game's afoot. A touch more flavor along that line.
"in Octoberland" is a nice bracing shot of autumn, to add a jolt of chilling air and early twilight into the most spring-like and lengthening of months.
And now to give everybody who read through all that a dubious bonus: a sample REJECTED POEM for May!
Or not "rejected" per se, but certainly not included:
Ordinarily I'd mention, "Maybe the above poem will be spruced up, re-done or otherwise improved, to appear in some future month in full-fledged glory!"
This particular case, though...not going to say that.
May is a top month in a lot of culture's calendars, from Catholics to Communists. The ancient Incan Aztecs by comparison, didn't even know what May is - despite the name of their calendar ("The Mayan Calendar") ought to have tipped them off! But though they may have been in that sense ignorant bastards, yet those of us who look to their calendar's expiration to cue the end of our world know (or feel) that they were very well-advanced in other areas. Leave that aside, it's controversial. For me personally, May is a month I hold near and dear to my heart for a lot of reasons - and this month's crop of poems bears those out in diamonds and spades, I'm pretty sure! But then, that's what this little stop-and-review is for: I don't mean to be pretty sure. I mean to make damn sure. So you be the judge! And so will I.
So: how did May treat poetry lovers on my poetry blog? ROUGH as usual! But some like it that way - I know I don't! Still, let's ditch all this further ado and in lieu of that noise, forge forward with depth, cutting criticism and (one hopes) poise, a bit of poise perhaps, for all the poise-fans out there. I always like to throw the bone to the poise-fans. Poise-fans in the house say "o"!
So: I give you THE POEMS OF MAY. Check this out, there were 31 of them. Did I nail it or what?! Right on the head! Roll call:
▼ May (31)
stay the course
quite, really
the milk I just bought
nothing beautiful
we, the underground
back arrow
Summer will come, and when it does
what you wish for
the gift of love
we'll always have hell
dedication
file tools click invert
if I could cut this glass in half, and make it full...
failures of technology
trying to duck
struggle and clash
'til death do us
a kind of person
presentation
that straightened out!
the hoarder
flown
stark and cold
brunch, for mother
osmosis
when I say "fine"
words stolen back
new middling extremes
More Rhymes Dissing Ordinary People
the fatal clue
in Octoberland
Hm. That, right there, looks kind of like a poem. And you know what? BOMP!! It is! A little tweakin' on the line-breaks, some punctuation assist, we now have "May (31)" - a fine June poem. We'll have to wait 'til next month's critique to see what I think of it. Right now, the act of creation is just too fresh.
Still, a powerful example of just how easy poetry is.
WARNING: I'm doing the critique a little differently this time. Instead of picking out only the highest and lowest to remark upon, I'm going to have at least a little something to say about every single poem. So...be advised: don't click the expand thingy unless you're really in the mood for a good, long slog of scintillating criticism and deeply-appreciated poetry appreciation.
EDIT: OK, the expand thingy doesn't work with my template. So...this line below represents where the expand thingy would be if it did work:
----------->click here to see the rest of the post, suckaaa...!<----------
(you don't actually have to click, I'm just...never mind, keep reading, or if you wouldn't have clicked to expand, then stop right at that line and go no further! And may you stew in the juices of suspense at the lack of your own curiosity!!)
I'm going to work backwards this time, critique-wise. Because that's how they display, after all - top poem newest.
"stay the course" was brilliant. Commenter willow said so: "A Lewis and Clark-ish kind of love poem. Brilliant." I can't disagree with willow on pretty much anything, and I'd advise you to not be able to do the same! Although personally, I'd have said "delightful" not "brilliant," but I'm kind of understated that way anyway. willow's always making me blush.
"quite, really" was OK. I like "grand sweeps of -iose"! "the milk I just bought" - kind of cute; it may grow on me as it ages. Or it may grow sour and moldy. That's the risk you take, and I for one will take it! "nothing beautiful" I don't like as much as I first did when I did it. "we, the underground" I am almost certain to revist! To revise. I love the sentiment, the feel; but I was not quite able to nail it on this pass. Perhaps the memory was too fresh?
"back arrow" sure sucked to start off, but then it kicked - first into gear, then ass. "hot damn," notes commenter Mel. "Summer will come, and when it does" - I liked this one. I just did. Still do. I may have to come back and revise it, it could possibly benefit by being a bit more lyrical?
"what you wish for" - grim, disconcerting. Chills one's blood with sangfroid. "the gift of love" - a throwback to my earlier goofy "love pome" style at first, but it picks up subtle heft as it goes. No wait. Actually it doesn't. I must have been thinking of another poem. "we'll always have hell" - another rather grim one, salty with the tang of bitten-tongue blood. "dedication" - I love to read! This one goes out to writers who are the reasons why (albeit, of course this broader dedication here should be considered to be non-gender specific, though the original "dedication" wasn't!).
"file tools click invert" - why did I spend so much time and effort on this when the end result sucks? It was like one of those Vietnam situations I guess. "if I could cut this glass in half, and make it full again" - there is a song I have called "Cut The Glass In Half", that uses the same basic imagery, but none of the same actual turns of phrase - and actually has a completely different point. And I like both quite a lot! But only one could be a song. Commenter Debbie was also touched, "In a good way."
"failures of technology" - this one also hearkens back to my earlier goofy "love pome" style, and also fails to pick up heft as it goes. But I kind of like it, I think it works. "trying to duck" - what the fuck. I guess that's one way to end a poem. "struggle and clash" is entirely, entirely sincere. Albeit, with (as commenter Jen observed) a "grim turn right around the middle." "'til death do us" is great! I love it. That damn bird!
"a kind of person" - I don't get it. I mean, honestly. I'm not sure I got across whatever it is I may have been trying to say here, but I don't think I did. "presentation" - here is another poem that represents a bit of a throwback to my earlier goofy "love pome" style. You know what, that style appears to be going strong; I'm not sure I can legitimately be calling these "throwbacks." "that straightened out!" - another one. Of the rarer disharmony variant.
"the hoarder" is excellent. Well done, and only a little trouble with the end, smoothness-wise. I mean the part where the ambiguity between stacks of mental calendars and stacks of physical detritus may not be entirely deliberate (ambiguity-wise). "flown" is the sort of poem that makes me think I can write good poetry. It's good. I have other ungainlier ones that I enjoy or love more, but this poem is damn gainly. "stark and cold" is kind of hard for me to critique. "brunch, for mother" is both awful and hilarious, and I think, pretty neatly done as well!
"osmosis" seems callow to me now. Is it just grousing? I don't know. If so, it's tolerably well-done grousing; but I don't know that's points in its favor. I do like how it ends - a bit of a turn.
"when I say 'fine'" is kind of a bit of soapboxing, I guess. Not sure if anything about this poem is necessary. Well, I guess there is some pretty imagery in it. Still, all a little too pat and facile, for my tastes. I wouldn't call it fine. "words stolen back" is far better in terms of imagery. I love the imagery, in fact. Though there's something about it all that rings a little guilty to me. Not sure I can elaborate on that.
"new middling extremes" oh, I don't want to like this one. I think it's the title that bothers me, makes it seem shallow or merely clever. Perhaps I should just rename it, because the poem itself is very neat! "More Rhymes Dissing Ordinary People" is just dumb. No more to say about that one, but it bears repeating: dumb, dumb! "the fatal clue" is fun, fun! I love it. It needs and misses something, though. It's missing one line, in there, someplace. Something elementary, something the game's afoot. A touch more flavor along that line.
"in Octoberland" is a nice bracing shot of autumn, to add a jolt of chilling air and early twilight into the most spring-like and lengthening of months.
And now to give everybody who read through all that a dubious bonus: a sample REJECTED POEM for May!
Or not "rejected" per se, but certainly not included:
"there's this girl"
There's this girl who's pretty tall
maybe tall as I am!
or even taller maybe, even
or else shorter than that, or else
maybe WAY shorter. That's all
cool too, 'cause she's all
casual about it
with an ass like BOMP
and some medium boobs, you know the kind
or maybe flip it: BOMP boobs,
and a medium behind
but she's got these very
very-specific eyes
ah,
that girl's beautiful
Ordinarily I'd mention, "Maybe the above poem will be spruced up, re-done or otherwise improved, to appear in some future month in full-fledged glory!"
This particular case, though...not going to say that.
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