Got a Problem with McDonalds?? Then LEAVE!!

Hey, if you have such a problem with McDonalds, then why don't you just leave?!! We don't need you! Why don't you just get out!?

McDonald's was founded on giving you the right to buy all those little pale paper-wrapper candyburgers they have, plus the yellow-wrapped ones with a cheese-slice in - amazing how just that little cheese-slice binds the whole thing together like a newly-discovered substance! Both of those come with those fascinating tiny-diced onion bits. And the pickle slice! A highlight.

Then there's the Big Mac - look, I don't need to tell you about that thing. You know all about it already. The Big Mac "Bill Of Ingredients" is enshrined (in chanted jingle form) as one the founding principles on which we abide, practically! The Quarter Pounder meanwhile has taken a big leap up lately, in terms of how sexy they make it look in ads. And then you have your even higher-end McBig-Angus hog-chokers! Those things represent a significant fraction of a pound of food! You can eat the FUCK out of one of those! In 3 flavors, if I'm not mistaken: bacon, mushroom, or normal.

Don't even get me started on the fries. Plato was full of shit, people: because if he wants to try to claim there's a separate realm of Ideals, whose abstract perfection can only be realized in a flawed and approximate way here in the material realm, then that dumb Greek son of a bitch never tried a hot fresh big red box of McDonald's FRIES!!! They're not always hot, not always fresh, not always perfectly-salted but let me tell you: when everything comes down the pike aligned just right, that box lands in your bag with a damn HALO around it and you cannot DENY that those things are perfection realized. Just perfection, in terms of being the ideal delivery system for piping-hot salted and greased starch. Because in that moment, each fry is a slim slender crisp golden needle, stitching a tapestry of pure simple satisfied perfection in your mouth, as it melts and you chew. Mmmm. But gobble those things fast by the handful while that moment lasts! The point made by these fries is: perfection's fleeting, but it is achievable. Screw you, Plato!

FTC MANDATED FULL DISCLOSURE: I have in fact been given a coupon by McDonalds. I was in the restaurant the other day, they fucked something up - point is, they squared it with me to my satisfaction. The counter staff was pretty courteous and responsive, I have to say, even if they weren't all...how should I put this...quite as attractive as advertised. Half the time those tv ad McDonaldses, they're all staffed up with what looks like American Apparel models! You know what I mean. Point is, that's neither here nor there - despite their rather miscellaneous appearances, these folks stepped up and took care of me. And while they may not have specifically requested that I in turn step it up, right here on the blog, and hit just one shot fair and far, right out of the damn park on their behalf with this strident yet stirring defense of their eating establishment, I must admit that this post was in some way either motivated or at least, inspired by that coupon. It was for a Frosty. Cold, thick and delicious!

Oh, hey. Wait...shit.

That was Wendy's.

Shoot. I'm terribly sorry for the mixup, folks. I'm terribly, terribly sorry for the mixup.

Wow.

This makes me look like a tool.