I Don't Have a Type!

I mean, not as a particular strong preference. I've nothing against them! Types are fine, all types are fine. I'm not against types. Whatever the opposite of a fetish is, I certainly do not have the opposite of a fetish towards buxom blondes, for example. I just don't have a real preference towards them. Or towards any other category of women based on visual classification of gross physical attributes. In short, I don't think I have a "type" at all, really.

I love women for their BIG, SMART, BOOMIN' MINDS. Them's the kinds of chicks I hanker for!

Well, wait, but not even strictly that. You can't just depersonalize and objectify the totality of a woman's being down to her mind. You must appreciate all her fancies, facts and facets! And so of course, I am a great appreciator of physical beauty, as well. Big-time. And in all other areas, I have high standards in general, I think. But the point is: in terms of particulars, I find that as far as leaning towards specific types goes, I don't really. Whatever a woman has going on, as long as she knows she's workin' it! - that's the most attractive thing a woman can have. Not even "confidence," per se, I mean more like: sense of self.

That's way more important than any "type." When a woman appreciates who and what she is - whatever her specific attributes are! - that's when I can appreciate her for who and what she is. I don't just look for a specific set of surface attributes and pick based on that. That just seems dumb to me.

It's like types of beers. Do I like Blonde Ales? Sure! Hell yeah, I'll guzzle the FUCK out of one of those! I'll grab it, slam it, and then look around for more! With a gleam in my eye. If there's libational excellence to be had, then baby, I plan to indulge! Or what about a nice, tight, light Lager? Sure, long as it's refreshing and tasty. I've no objection to a bit of lighter refreshment, playing across my usually-more-serious palate. Stouts? FUCK YUP. I love a nice, big, full-bodied bouncy Stout, with some substance, some flavor and maybe an interesting finish. How about Red Ales? Well, these can be a bit temperamental, but some of them can be EXTREMELY fun, as long as you both know it's clearly just for laughs and not anything serious! Otherwise, somebody could get hurt.

Do I like Amber Ales? Oh lord. Yes. Yes, I do.

I hope to marry one in fact.

Comments

Lunarchick said…
Types are for blood..mu ha ha ha.

Dear Joe,

I'm not a real beer drinker...shhh...don't tell anyone. But I AM working on acquiring the taste. What would you recommend as a good starter beer.

Brewless in Baltimore
dogimo said…
Dear Brewless,

(first of all, speaking of mu ha ha ha, I hope you'll be defending your title in this year's 2nd annual harrowing Hallowe'en horror movie contest!)

I don't know what to recommend as a starter beer. Hm. I kind of jumped into it with both feet. I'd suggest you do the same! My favorite beer is Anderson Valley's Boont Amber Ale. I do not hesitate to recommend it to you.

Although, a nice gentler one I could suggest would be Anderson Valley's fine Summer Solstice - "fine" not like "okay," but rather: fine like treasures and sunsets, like the feeling of a fond wish you feel almost certain of while you savor the waiting, like memories of fine things - only unfolding itself in the living moment upon your tongue. Cool and perfect and golden; light yet full-bodied and creamy.

Caveat: AVBC has been getting wider and wider distribution, however I've occasionally seen some uneven results when I pick up a six back East. These beers do need care and refrigeration at every stage of their journey - I've heard horror stories (speaking of) of a pallet of cases being left in the sun for hours to the detriment of the product. I don't know how reliably they are being handled through the supply chain to you.

Caveat aside, both of those are excellent ales that go easy on the bitterness that puts off some beginners (there is no bitterness at all in the Solstice). I'd say they are friendly for novices, delicious and complex enough to satisfy the mature palate. As you get a taste for the hops and complex bitter styles I could recommend a bunch of others in that line.

Another easy-drinking one I'd recommend is Magic Hat Number 9. It's a bit fruity, which I normally hate. But they make it work.

Summer is a great time to drink some Belgian farmhouse style ales. My favorite is Dupont Saison, but American breweries are busting out all over with their own takes on the style. The style tends to be a bit yeasty, which puts some off - but if the style is to your taste, you will find few brews to be so crisp, flavorful and revivifying in the hot months of summer as a good cold Belgian farmhouse style ale.

Please do acquire the taste! Beer is one of life's most refreshing pleasures.