The Opinionated Dickhead Takes On: Kim Chee

The Opinionated Dickhead Takes On: is a regular segment wherein our regular contributor The Opinionated Dickhead provides in-depth review/commentary/history and/or criticism on a topic he knows little about, and has refused on principle to research.

Kim Chee is considered a Korean delicacy by some. It is basically a soaked-vegetable dish that has been allowed to go bad, until it comes all the way back around to good again. This process is called "fermentation," and its use is defended on the grounds that various other kinds of delicacies such as yogurt, pickles, and also alcoholic beverages such as beer and wine, all employ fermentation.

I was thinking maybe bread itself is also technically fermented, because of the yeast angle? But I'll let that one pass. There's probably some tricky distinction involved, to where once somebody finishes explaining it, you wish they hadn't bothered. But you know what, hell with it: bread is technically fermented as well. There, I said it.

Kim Chee is made up of primarily cabbage, with a lot of other stuff in there too. But primarily as a result of the cabbage angle, the International Food Committee (the governing body of world food classifications) classes Kim Chee as a form of sauerkraut. This sticks in the collective craw of both North and South Korea. Efforts are constantly being mounted and abandoned to have the classification reversed - classing sauerkraut as a form of Kim Chee. Germany however will not stand for this, despite the fact that Kim Chee has been around for thousands of years, while sauerkraut as we all know was invented accidentally by a German immigrant at the 1933 Chicago World's Fair.

Kim Chee occupies a central place in historical Korean legend. The legendary wandering warrior Kim Po-Pai (featured in a wide array of comic and mystical adventure tales and battles, but believed to be based on a true historical figure) was said to derive his incredible herculean strength from his trusty pot of Kim Chee, always at his side. His famous motto and battle cry is translated loosely into English as "I'm strong as infinity, 'cause I eats me Kim Chee."

My primary knowledge of Kim Chee comes from some short story I remember reading in a literary periodical, several years back. The author was Korean, and talked about how pickled and stinky it was. I've tried not to let that influence me in a negative way.

Final verdict on Kim Chee: I recommend it.