So. Setup:
No wait.
Background: Benedict "Anthony" Costa. Powerful, lovable but utterly terrifying criminal mob boss, kind of on the old-fogey side, kind of old-fashioned, decides to dabble in the internet a bit for a little diversion and maybe to better understand this ever-changing world in which we're living, so as to better be able to conduct his business. Long-story-short, he gets "took" by one of these e-mail scammers! You know the ones, where you have been designated as the recipient of millions of dollars for some amazing reason, often involving 3rd-world royalty or military coups? He falls for it like a chump. A sucker.
Uncle Anthony is not someone used to being treated in such a fashion.
To put it mildly, let's assume he isn't interested in chalking this one up to experience.
Enter: Achille "Keely" Giuliano, the organization's absolute top grim humorless get-it-done-with-a-gun-or-otherwise goon, who is normally so untouchably competent as to be trusted beyond reproach, but who after a recent and uncharacteristic hilarious gaffe, suddenly finds himself with a lot on the line. He gets partnered for the assignment with Costa's nephew Gaetano "Fun Guy" Funicello, an idiot-savant cybergeek genius who only knows two things: inept partying in as stereotypically Italian-American a fashion as possible, and seducing code and network connections into doing things they'd never normally have done sober.
These two have been tasked with one tall order: tracking down, taking down, and taking vengeance upon every last little presumptuous bastard involved in whatever outfit perpetrated this insult upon Uncle Anthony. Uncle Anthony has their e-mail address right here. "That should be enough to go on. You find these people. You teach them respect. And you get from them the money they say I won. If they have it, then let the lesson be one they can live with. They can keep the registration fee I paid them, it was intended as a business investment."
There are a lot of other character bits and motivations involved, and plot complications galore. It turns into quite the international caper buddy flick! Basically one of those odd-couple-out-of-water fishing expeditions, with comedy, action, some clash-of-conflicting-criminal-ethoi-based comedy, some hard ways to go along the way and maybe some hard lessons to learn, with these two mismatched, mutually-antagonized protagonists clashing and pulling rank each in their own way, each on separate arcs of self-discovery in the crises that come crashing down around their respective and collective ears. Each, maybe, coming to learn a little bit about what's wrong with the way he's chosen to live his life...and maybe, about learning to know what's right.
What's it called? What's the name of this gem?
Oh, but that would be telling.
8 comments:
Would Al Pacino play Uncle Anthony?Steve Buscemi as the hit man and Michael Cerra as the techno wiz.
I try to let go of the casting. I'd prefer unknowns, or mostly unknowns carrying the load - with maybe a prominent face here or there in an unexpected role. But I'm realistic, once Hollywood gets its hands on a property they will make the decisions they feel are best. So I try to let go of that.
Aw hell! I don't have to be all that reticent.
I was kind of picturing someone kind of lumpier / schlubbier looking as Uncle Anthony - someone with fierceness under their softish exterior, not someone "glamorous old." I wouldn't have thought Pacino - of course, he'd do an incredible job! Anyone would be lucky to have Pacino in their film in whatever role he'll take. But it has an effect when you cast a star like that. I feel like with him in the role, people will think it's too much like a "comedy turn." I mean, there's funniness in the situation, but we've got to believe this guy is a cold general of killers, who knows how things work in the worst realest parts of the real world, yet is naive enough in the discovery of this new toy to get gulled, yet is (essentially) sheltered enough in his accustomed privilege and power as to become indignant over his own stupidity, and seek to make reprisals.
That's a tough trick to pull off, and not come off like the character itself is a joke. Uncle Anthony needs to not be a joke - he's extremely shrewd and capable, he's menacing like a brute and implacable force of nature. He's funny in his flaws, and indeed between themselves everybody is shitting themselves that the old man fell for such a stupid ploy! But absolutely not to his face. And it's really no joke now, because he is deadly serious in his ridiculous expectation for what he believes our heroes can do for him in this situation. He tasks Achille with this in confidence, in no uncertain terms. Achille doesn't know jack about cybercrap but takes on the assignment with a vow, essentially believing the old man that his nephew's amazing skills will make the tracking down of these clowns a snap. Guy is aghast at the assignment and says it's impossible, but he has real reasons of his own to fear both Uncle Anthony and Achille - especially if Achille finds out certain things "Fun Guy" has done during the backstory.
The very real fear of the consequences of disappointing Uncle Anthony drives the plot - a different fear for Guy than for Achille, but the threat is real for both of them if they fuck this up.
So I think the reason I wouldn't picture Pacino, is that Pacino seems too sharp to me, too glamorous and "with it" to believably fall for that dumb con. Yes, Pacino can stretch, he can easily play this role - but having Pacino in there is going to have its own effect in the audiences' minds and we don't want to start ourselves off at a deficit. I think we need somebody semi-unknown, who can inhabit the role from scratch and make you believe this guy isn't stupid, he's just completely unreasonable from long habit.
For Achille, I picture someone tall and large, physically very intimidating, fairly young, and brutally smooth. Not a dope, but not quick either - well wait - he's exceptionally quick when sudden action is needed! And he rarely seems to set a step wrong in that regard, his choices always seem to come out smart. But he's very slow and careful when pondering a problem, and his history and demeanor are such that a lot of people regard him almost superstitiously as a gold-plated moron on a bulletproof bloodstained good-luck streak of a charmed life. I've got a range of pictures in my mind, I don't have one particular actor but rather a type. Humorlessness is key - we want no one anywhere as genial as Travolta. Anyway, he's younger than that.
In retrospect, the role of Gaetano "Fun Guy" Funicello seems practically written for The Situation. But get that guy a damn screen test - I suspect he can't fucking act. We'd like someone who can create that kind of character, yet make us believe in the "savant" half. Sorry Sitch, but if you can't act I can't use you.
Still, you make a handy reference.
I admit, Buscemi's an interesting suggestion. I don't know what to say on that one. I feel like he could be effective in that. Totally different take on what I was thinking - and obviously he needs to dial the spaz way down.
Ideally I think we'd want someone who can intimidate just with presence, rather than relying on charisma alone.
But I can picture Buscemi taking it another way, where after a career that's made him a minor legend in certain circles, suddenly he's faltered and people look at him - "why were we afraid of this guy again?" He's got maybe a desperation, to prove what he is is what he IS, and not just a series of flukes.
I'd still prefer someone more Italian-seeming, and who is large, silent, slow and humorless by nature, but the Buscemi idea makes me think maybe other approaches could work fine.
See, that's another reason I try to let go of the casting. I look at it like this: the only thing I get final cut on is the screenplay. After they buy it, what they do to it and what they make out of it is their problem.
I can't wait to watch this one on the big screen. Hilarious!
I would watch this movie. I would get excited about it and go out of my way to go see it in the theater. I'm completely serious--it sounds amazing.
And I'm clicking your "random post" button instead of paying attention in my class, so if you get a million comments from me, that's why.
YES!!!
Thank you, Edana! I'm practically begging for people to comment when they hit the random button (another good way to go is label-surfing), but nobody ever does.
I don't know why! Every comment I get on these older posts is ON-TIME, as far as I'm concerned.
Wow. Look how much backstory I shoehorned in on that 2nd comment. Holy Jesus of Christ.
Dang it, now I want to see this thing! When's it coming out?
@jorg - weird I didn't see your comment there! Man, I need to get cracking on this. I can already smell the popcorn!
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