Infamy! At A Pool Hall #9

Infamy at a Pool Hall is a recurring feature that periodically spotlights the myriad vile and contemptible slurs, japes and other utterances heard at the pool hall during our regular Thursday night sessions. Shameful to admit, these are not infamies overheard from other tables! - presumably voiced by lowlifes, who have no better excuse for how to act - but rather, they are remarks spoken loud and aloud exclusively by mouths from among our own regular group of fellows, all of whom to look at you would ordinarily assume would have a little more fucking class than that. The twin demons of pool and beer weave a sad web that ensnares even the most upright knights of morality it seems, in this, the ninth in an increasingly appalling series of installments of: Infamy at a Pool Hall.

"Hey, why's my beer got an orange slice garnish and yours doesn't?" "So I can tell 'em apart."


"Two off the five - left corner."


"Mother fussy-fuss!"


"Man..." "Yeah, I know." "How come her ass looks like that?" "Go ask her." "Nah, she'd take it wrong." "Man, where do you get off judging a complete stranger at a glance like that? How do you know she'd take it wrong?" "You know what? You're right, that's very bullshit of me. I'm going to go ask her." "Do it."


"Nice shot." "I made it look easy, too!" "You made it look like a complete asshole could have done it."


"Oh come on, how the mother of butter-lovin' sons did I miss that shot."


"Now that's not to say that I wouldn't, if she asked nicely!" "See, that's a perfect illustration of why a double-negative is not an automatic grammatical foul. Now it's true, a double-negative that creates either redundancy or unintended self-contradiction is a foul! True enough. But the sin is not the double-negative. The sin is the redundancy or the self-contradiction. Because - take what you have said, there. To substitute 'that is to say that I would, if she asked nicely' - that would not be at all the 'correct' equivalent! It would mean something completely different." "Yeah! In this case, the double-negative is essential to convey the nuance." "Fuckin' A."


"Are you stripes or solids?" "Do I look like I'm stripes or solids?"


"Man, that was a great shot on the eight. I love to see such an incredible comeback. See how happy and smiling I am for you?" "Yes, you look happy." "I know I do! And just wait until after this next game, when it's sincere!"


"Holy Motherly Comfort!"


"We should have got Newcastle Brown Ale, man." "Yeah, it's pretty good." "I want to move to England and open up a pub." "Do you have a name for it yet?" "Nope." "How about, 'Her Majesty's Cunt'?"


"That was pretty sharp. But it wasn't too smart." "Oh yeah? What shot would you have taken?" "One that wouldn't have pissed me off."


"I love my mother. That's why I talk about her so much."


"No, I don't even know her! She just turned to regard me while I was waiting for the beers, and so I look at her and smile, friendly-like -" "Like you are." "- like I am, and out of nowhere she goes, 'hey man, I think you're hot.'" "No she did not. She's pretty cute, man! - what did you say back?" "Well, I paused. And I took a step aback regarding her with that head-cocked-to-the-side quizzical kind of imperceptible narrowing of one eye that I do, and then I said, 'I think you're thinking of somebody else.'"


"Mother McBastard!!"


"If you miss this shot, then you're just a pussy." "You're confusing cause and effect."