More Bullshit Keys to Self-Esteem #3

Last time, we talked about the importance of confusing people in a good way, about what it is you do for a living - by instead of telling people what your actual job is, come up with a creative way to describe your duties that will still be "technically accurate," while sounding more impressive. You're not a "waiter" - you're a Prepared Food Salesman. You're not a "customer service rep." You're a Client Satisfaction Engineer. Or go the other way, punch it up hip and style-y! If you actually are an engineer - you're a Make-It-Happen Czar. That's what engineers do, right? They make it happen!

Actually, you know what? "Make-It-Happen Czar" sucks. Don't use that one, but you get the idea: you're not a "marketing strategist," you're a - wait.

Shoot.

"Marketing Strategist" is already perfect. That's exactly the tone we're trying to strike! Sounds great. It sounds like you're the general, marshaling the massed armies of marketing. What the hell do you do in that job? What does that entail?

Are there any openings?

Comments

John Dantzer said…
I'm not a door to door salesman. I'm an impulse technician.
dogimo said…
Like it! Like it.

Hey, do you get dental with that?
snortingmarmots said…
I'm not a Floodplain Hydrologist and Environmental Control Designer, I'm a Splishy-Splash Pond Sketcher.

But I'm planning on leaving that to get my PhD in Boom-Boom Thoughts of Yesteryear.



(That's the History and Philosophy of Science, for you non-academics.)
TimT said…
I'm not a typist, I'm an alpha-numeric coordinator of a syntactical digital device interface point.
TimT said…
Apparently some people are now using the word 'insourcing' - opposite of 'outsourcing'.

'Outsourcing', as you know, is a way of getting work done by people outside one's company. Therefore insourcing is...

'work'?

You see, with a little effort, even the most mundane things can be made to sound fancier!
dogimo said…
Hm. "Insourcing."

I've never heard that one, but if someone had run the term by me and asked me what to make of it, I'd have guessed it was something like -

Problem: a finite-term project is identified that's critical for the company, but too big a job for the staff who would normally take care of that area to take on (without compromising their own mission-critical duties).

Solution: leadership and management take a look around the company for in-house talent in other departments or areas of responsibility who might be relatively underutilized, and who could do a good job on this finite-term project even though it's technically out of their area of responsibility.

It's not an ideal way to run a business to plant critical tasks outside their natural area where the business flow and expertise is, but in a pinch with the right project and the right talent, it could be a good option.
dogimo said…
So to pick up from where you left off and boil down my best guess, I'd say 'insourcing' might reduce to -

"Work that's not your job."