Yes, it is your fault.
It wasn't your choice, maybe. So what? It's still yours, not just in the sense that it is part of you, but more importantly in the sense that it is yours to deal with. To whatever extent it may be a problem, it's certainly your problem - not anyone else's. And it most definitely is a fault - or you wouldn't be so scrupulous about saying it's not your fault. It is a fault: a flaw. An imperfection - you have plenty of those, don't you? Don't we all? And this fault is in you. It is yours: your own. No amount of saying otherwise is going to make it not yours.
So own it.
Own yourself.
Do not disown yourself. You get nothing, no help from that transaction. No benefit. You won't feel better. You'll still be stuck living with, and dealing with the same shitty eyesight, or mental state, or chronic condition, or height or weight, every day in and out for as long as it (or life) persists. Maybe you'll have tricked yourself into some sort of state of denial, where if you claim it's not your fault, that will somehow make it easier to deal with. But how so? How will it make it easier, really? By what means can any portion of your burden be truly lifted, by pretending it isn't yours? Do tricks like that work?
The things that are wrong with you - whether arising through choices of your own or because you were born with them, whether they are intrinsic and incurable, or subject to some modification - those faults are as much a part of who you are as the things you consider right with you. I do not mean that as if to say "What would the light be without the darkness?" Mealy-mouthed, pap-minded imbecility, that! No, I mean it simply as if to say: you are yours and yours alone to carry. Others may help you, but the kindness of others, their mercy and charity doesn't absolve you of who and what you are. Grow up, and shoulder your whole load.
Only by taking on the entirety of who we are can we begin to have strength. The whole self we own is our whole muscle to lift - only the self we disown drags behind us, a burden. It doesn't matter whether a given point is bad or good, chosen or unchosen. Some faults are flesh-, blood-, bone-deep and will never go away; some faults you can acquire and cultivate. Just as some virtues are gifts that you appear to have simply been born with, while others can be instilled. It doesn't make a difference: all of it is you. Don't be such a weakling, such a coward as to pretend that the worser, more inconvenient parts of who you are are not yours.
If you can't own your faults, you have no claim on your virtues.
Work on the parts you can work on, sure - good and bad. But if the point is liking yourself, how about this approach? Like your whole self.
It wasn't your choice, maybe. So what? It's still yours, not just in the sense that it is part of you, but more importantly in the sense that it is yours to deal with. To whatever extent it may be a problem, it's certainly your problem - not anyone else's. And it most definitely is a fault - or you wouldn't be so scrupulous about saying it's not your fault. It is a fault: a flaw. An imperfection - you have plenty of those, don't you? Don't we all? And this fault is in you. It is yours: your own. No amount of saying otherwise is going to make it not yours.
So own it.
Own yourself.
Do not disown yourself. You get nothing, no help from that transaction. No benefit. You won't feel better. You'll still be stuck living with, and dealing with the same shitty eyesight, or mental state, or chronic condition, or height or weight, every day in and out for as long as it (or life) persists. Maybe you'll have tricked yourself into some sort of state of denial, where if you claim it's not your fault, that will somehow make it easier to deal with. But how so? How will it make it easier, really? By what means can any portion of your burden be truly lifted, by pretending it isn't yours? Do tricks like that work?
The things that are wrong with you - whether arising through choices of your own or because you were born with them, whether they are intrinsic and incurable, or subject to some modification - those faults are as much a part of who you are as the things you consider right with you. I do not mean that as if to say "What would the light be without the darkness?" Mealy-mouthed, pap-minded imbecility, that! No, I mean it simply as if to say: you are yours and yours alone to carry. Others may help you, but the kindness of others, their mercy and charity doesn't absolve you of who and what you are. Grow up, and shoulder your whole load.
Only by taking on the entirety of who we are can we begin to have strength. The whole self we own is our whole muscle to lift - only the self we disown drags behind us, a burden. It doesn't matter whether a given point is bad or good, chosen or unchosen. Some faults are flesh-, blood-, bone-deep and will never go away; some faults you can acquire and cultivate. Just as some virtues are gifts that you appear to have simply been born with, while others can be instilled. It doesn't make a difference: all of it is you. Don't be such a weakling, such a coward as to pretend that the worser, more inconvenient parts of who you are are not yours.
If you can't own your faults, you have no claim on your virtues.
Work on the parts you can work on, sure - good and bad. But if the point is liking yourself, how about this approach? Like your whole self.
Comments
Dammit, Dogimo!!
Pearl
"Grow up, and shoulder your whole load."
.....me likey! =D
You know what, I have actually used that "can't own your faults" line two or three times over the years as a stand-alone one-line post. I always meant to expand on it a bit!
I wish I knew what people thought they'd gain, by trying to disown parts of who they are.
I think the answer to what people would gain, is of course, that they fool people into thinking they are someone they’re not. I’ve always said that we paint a picture of ourselves using only the colors we want others to see. Hell, everyone does it, especially in the beginning of a relationship.
Then again, there are those of us who are just plain colorblind…..