WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL I KNEECAPPED MY ALGEBRA TEACHER WHO I'D BEEN SLEEPING WITH FOR CHEATING ON ME, AND THEN I LIED ABOUT IT. ACTUALLY I LIED ABOUT IT RIGHT HERE. SHE DIDN'T CHEAT ON ME. I WASN'T SLEEPING WITH HER, EITHER. IN FACT I'VE NEVER KNEECAPPED ANYBODY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW ALGEBRA WORKS.
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