There's something about McDonald's Breakfast that just GOES GREAT with GIN!

Disclaimer: this unsolicited ad campaign pitch has not been approved or endorsed in any way by Seagrams or its susidiaries, or by the McDonald's Corporation or any of its affiliates or franchisees.

CLOSE on clean-cut, crewcut, lean, healthy white dude, 20's. He's got a big, open WHITE McBAG

ANNOUNCER: "Man, get a whiff of that bag...!

DUDE (bows head reverently, taking a deep, satisfied lingering inhale): "Man...that just smells great."

ANNOUNCER: "What's in the bag, man? Whaddyou got in that BAG!"

FLASH CUT to happy crowds inside, lining up, being served by a happy ethnoheterogenous staff, as we hear

DUDE (v/o): "Egg McMuffin meal, plus a Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle for breakdessert!"

ANNOUNCER: "Why not just get 2 meals? What've you got against the hashpuck?"

CLOSE on HASH-PUCK

SLOW EXTREME-ZOOM-PAN OVER HUGE, HOT, GOLDEN-BROWNEDNESS

IT LOOKS CRISPY AND GOD DAMN DELICIOUS

BACK on DUDE: "LOVE the hash puck! But I don't need all the extra beverages."

ANNOUNCER: "Hey speaking of which - where's your beverage? Where's your hot, fresh McCafe Coffee? Or your zing-fresh breakfast O.J.?"

DUDE (laughing): "Fuck that! I drink gin with this."

CLOSE on GIN

SLOW PAN UP THE GLASS

TALL GLASS, fogged with condensation up to the gin-line

THAT GIN looks SO COLD and SO PURE

ANNOUNCER: "GIN. Straight from a chilled bottle - or shaken over ice! A double or even a TRIPLE GIN!"

DUDE (satisfied close-eyed smiling deep inhales from gin to food, and back again): "McDonald's breakfast and gin. It's like they're made for each other!"

ANNOUNCER (v/o loving full-screen closeup shot of the hot, wrapped contents of McBag: hashpuck nestled in against two plump, pastel-colorful parcels of McDeliciousness and a fat fold of clean white napkins): "Ahhh - gin! The floral notes of this potent potion truly do complement the rich, savory odor of hot cheese, fresh eggs, fluffy muffins and crisp pork-based meats! It's amazing gin isn't on the menu!"

WOMAN (in nicely-decorated office, dressed classy but casual, cheerfully obese and clearly a happy, self-confident, well-adjusted citizen secure in her worth as who she is) (as she speaks, we continuously CUT to busy McDonalds's interior and back again, with a slow constant pan down to show her McBreakfast and tall, cold gin in front of her on her desk): "Well we're working on that! And I for one couldn't be more pleased with this new McGin initiative. It's dispelling a lot of negative stereotypes about gin. Gin is not purely a cocktail-hours drink! It's dinner drink, it can be taken in place of a healthy lunch, and yes, Virginia: gin goes great with breakfast."

GIRL (white girl, long mousy hair with one ragged home-dyed pink streak, McDonald's uniform, skinny, ok complexion. She looks about fifteen, but a block letter subtitle comes in as she finishes speaking: SHALLAH IS TWENTY-ONE YEARS OF AGE): "I hate those so called breakfast drinks, bloody marys, mimosas - froo froo and gross! Breakfast should be serious. To me, a tall glass of pure, clear gin just seems healthier."

Back on DUDE, front of the line in-store (laughing): laughs

CUT to BLACK DUDE (behind the register, smiling, friendly, this kid could seriously be a catalog model in 5 years) (laughing): "Sorry, sir - you have to bring your own gin! We can't get a liquor license in this state yet."

Back on DUDE (jokingly sad, but a little outraged) (looks DIRECTLY TO CAMERA): "It's your responsibility to contact your congressperson!"

BLACK DUDE (v/o): "But we do offer a whole selection of shatter-reluctant COLLECTIBLE McGIN GLASSES! Tall enough for a double - fits an easy-sippin' triple!"

FAST ACTION PAN AND BACK ACROSS on the line of McCharacter-emblazoned gin glasses with EXTREME FLASH-CUT INSERTS on each collectible glass

ANNOUNCER: "AWESOME! Available at all participating stores! Triple-For-Double Refills at participating stores w/liquor license."

ANNOUNCER (emphasized by ONSCREEN LEGEND): "GIN: THE BEST THING FOR BREAKFAST SINCE...McDONALDS!" (close on shot of white-gloved hands, holding Egg McMuffin, PULL BACK to show Ronald's smiling, nodding face about to go to town on that muffin)

Irrelevant aside: Say, do they ever show that clown eating his own food? I don't think they ever do! That by itself would make a great commercial! Ronald, walks into frame, sits at a little in-store McTable with his tray, and just unwraps and eats his whole meal. In silence - not a word spoken! I'd guess he's a Quarter-Pounder-with-Cheese man. He strikes me as that. The whole commercial would be just him, eating. Serious, absorbed, enjoying it. Sipping Coke. Chewing fries. Maybe perusing a NY Times, or something. The rest of the customers are all just chillin'. "Ronald comes here all the time! We try not to bother him while he's trying to enjoy a delicious lunch." Great commercial!