I'm A Sex-Phone Superstar!

So yeah, at first I was just looking for another job on the side, make a little money from home, you know? Flexible hours within my schedule. But it turns out, I'm a born Sex Phone Practitioner! It's like I've discovered my true calling: and it's sex phone. When it comes to sex phone, I'm like a triple threat plus - I can make ALL your fantasies come true! As long as they involve nothing more involved than a phone call, I mean. These are the limits within which I must operate, just as all artists must operate within the certain limits of their chosen form.

But within that sex phone context, I reign supreme! Like, say a caller wants me to pretend to be a woman. EASY. I'm all:

"Oh yeah. My p**** is all hot and wet, and my nipples are so erect."

Or if they want a gay dude - look, I don't judge. Like I said: I'm an artist. There's no shame in my craft. Will "Fresh Prince" Smith played a gay dude one time, and just look at his wife! That's right - no gay rubbed on that dude whatsoever. So sure, if the caller wants a gay dude, that's just my chance to stretch my range as an actor:

"Oh yeah. My butt-h*** is all hot and wet, and my penis is so erect."

Or suppose the caller is more into dinosaurs:

"Oh yeah. My cloaca is all hot and wet, and my dorsal spine fringe is so erect."

I pretty much always picture myself as Dimetrodon, on the dinosaur calls. Dimetrodon's the sexiest.

One thing I won't do, though: I don't do the funny voices. That's kind of demeaning.