On Fucking Wives

Fucking wives, man. Fucking wives. You know what - I've never fucked a wife before?

I've come close a few times. But then suddenly, the situation changed: I was all like - you've got a HUSBAND?! FUCK THAT!

Don't get me wrong! That's fine for him, I don't condemn him. Fucking that wife of his (in fact, maybe that's part of the problem, but o.p.b.). That's o.p.b. - "Other People's Business," and I for one don't condemn behavior! When you get right down to it, there's always some kind of fancy justification for behavior that just rings true, when you hear it. And then you feel like a dick! You just feel bad for condemning it, once you hear that deeper level. So WHY BOTHER. Condemnation of behavior, big waste of time.

Me not fucking that wife was not about some rigid, arbitrary stance on anti-wifefucking. It was just a personal call on the comfort zone. And frankly, it had less to do with her, or with her being a wife, than with the sudden left-field revelation that she had a HUSBAND involved. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It's true, the stereotypical wife often comes equipped with a husband. But she was so far from stereotypical in other respects! I wouldn't have even known she was a wife, if she hadn't dropped that husband angle on me all abrupt. "A husband...? Wait. YOU MEAN...!?"

Yup. She was a wife, but I'd never have guessed. I didn't have her pegged as a "wife" at all. My "wife-dar" must have been off.

It'd've been completely different if she didn't have the husband! But for me, a wife with a husband, or even a wife with another wife (but this one had a husband)...unnecessary drama. Is that what I need in MY personal life? I confess I'm selfish that way, I cherish a bit of simplicity in my interpersonals. It's actually kind of bullshit. Because can't a wife be appreciated on the basis of her whole personhood, the totality of her worth as a human being, without bringing the husband into it? Well in an ideal world, maybe. And for a lot of people, maybe that's a better world. For me though, it's crossing some hard-to-define boundary. It trips a buried "danger wire" deep in my right left psyche.

Which makes this next part a bit awkward to admit. Because I have to confess to you people, I'm kind working on one. I think! She's not a wife yet, but I'm like bitch, you better watch out I'm gonna MAKE you my wife! And then I'm going to TREAT you like my WIFE. And then at the ceremony I'd be like "KISS the bride? Padre, you better close your EYES a minute."

Yeah. I doubt I could last more than that, what with all the forbidden frisson of WIFE-FUCKING to come, implicit in that first big dirty ol' BRIDE-KISSIN' INTERLUDE - the traditional transition to wife-fucking proper for both secular and sacred purposes - albeit, let's be frank here. Leaning a little towards the profane side, as sacred purposes go. But you know what? That "transgressive element" is what makes such things hot.

Once we hit that matrimonial "sweet spot," that's it from there on in. We'll be set. All our dirty talk is going to skew totally matrimonial. "Oh yeah you LIKE that huh! Don't you!? You just love it when I shove my big HUSBAND D*** into that TIGHT WIFE P**** of yours!"

Done right, it seems like wife-fucking ought to be no big deal. It's kind of ridiculous the stigma that gets attached to it a lot of the time.