Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Legalized prostitution for prisons.
It would be totally opt-in, the inmate could sign on to the program or not, they'd be tested regularly just like it was Las Vegas or something (probably the first place this would fly would be in Nevada, whatever their biggest federal penitentiary is), the public would sign up (there should also be some testing there, you know? You sign on for the program or whatever, as a regular? Except that would kill the tourist business - nix it! Never mind! Just manage it however Nevada normally does for its above-board whores).
What a boon this would be to prison revenues. What with all the hard, tough-as-nails cons in there, all muscle-y and tattooed, lord knows that bad boy mystique is catnip to many, many willing ladies (and others!) who would be more than happy to line up and pay to pay a call! There could be prison online chat camera sites, affiliated with Federal Whore Prison (or whatever they call it), where your favorite convicts would scowl, preen, snarl and flirt with you, maybe show a little flesh for the right PayPal inducements, and next thing you know you find yourself contemplating a little "trip" to Nevada to see Scowly Pete the hard-core grand theft felon, who has smooth-talked his way into your heart or at least, pants - contingent on pockets attached. This idea is ready to go. It solves two things!
Of course, you'd have to have, build, or adapt a super-max security Whore Wing, complete with special custom functions and safety features, and security protocols to protect the paying public (and prevent any getaway tricks). And of course, cons would have to fit a certain profile to be eligible - and live up to customer service expectations. This service ain't free! But such practical matters are doable, and whatever infrastructure and equipment upgrades are needed, they would pay for themselves within 18 months, tops.
Get it up and running at or adjacent to an existing federal pen in Nevada, as a pilot program! It's a surefire success! And then depending on how the response goes, as the kinks work themselves out, we decide which way we want to do the nationwide roll-out:
1. ROLL IT OUT WIDE. Implement similar programs across the country! Or, maybe it would be better to:
2. CENTRALIZE. Make it a destination resort! Allow penitentiaries nationwide (state, federal, county or local) (just kidding, county and local are JAILS not penitentiaries! By which distinction you know I "know my stuff," and that my recommendations should therefore be taken seriously and looked at for immediate implement) to solicit their inmates to apply for the program, according to whatever standards. This could be a huge good-behavior incentive. Also, put some strict standards in place, because only the buffest, gruffest, hottest and sexiest convicts should be put up for grabs for the sex-hungry money-waving public's pubic amusement.
This idea is so great, I feel like it's already being worked on. Before anybody has even finished reading about it! Come on, government. I'm sure that many many of our nation's convicts are more than ready to start paying their debt to society, by sharin' and shakin' what the Good Lord gave 'em!
It's hypocritical not to do this. As a society? It's hypocritical.