Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Monday, November 19, 2012

I Don't Know Who They Really Are

Dear person A, angry with me for not hating person B on your say-so,

Come on.

And Please, as well. Please, come on: do not take what I'm saying as an insult upon your judgment, or a breach of how much I trust what you have to tell me.

I'm not saying I know this person better than you. I'm not saying the bad you see isn't real. Sure it is. And the bad they see in you is real too, isn't it? It's kind of got to be, because some of it is the same bad you cry about, struggle with. And I tell you don't, because you're a great person.

I'm not saying this person is a great person. I can see they're a dick sometimes, but you know what? They treat me okay, I treat them okay, and I leave all the room in the world for them to impress or estrange me on their own. And you can tell me I don't know who they really are, but don't kid yourself that you do - all the while basing everything on the bad taste in your mouth. Remember, just going by what you yourself say sometimes: sometimes, you don't even know the real you. Right? That's not a knock either! I'm lost that same way. Not always, but often. It's a common problem of the human condition.

There are at least two people I know and love who are some of the best people I know, and who can't stand each other. These are good people. Great people. Each of them thinks the other's an asshole. So where does that leave me, then? Each of them would tell me I don't know who the other person "really is."

I'll tell you something: if the only thing you see in a person is the bad, consider that you do not know who that person really is. Okay, if so-and-so is a serial killer, maybe that raises the bar - but I'd have some keen questions for you as to where you get off not going to the cops, if your insight on that's reliable!

I see plenty of bad in the people I love. Much if it, they bring to my attention themselves. Nobody's perfect, but certainly: nobody's worthless.

You don't need to forgive everyone all slights. Fuck that Jesus noise! I don't try to recruit people into all that. But at the very least: you have to allow other people the freedom to decline, when you ask them swallow the bad taste in your mouth over somebody and call it a delicious egg creme. Allow other people to make up their own minds, based on their own 1-to-1 interaction with that person. You can tell them and warn them of what bad you've seen, that's cool, that's fine! - but recognize that what you've seen is not all there is. At least recognize that - for your own sake, even. Recognize that.

I guarantee you what that person has had to see of you, is certainly not all there is.

Don't be recruited into armies and factions. Be a free agent. Treat each person fairly, based on your own interaction with the person. Take bad reports under advisement! Don't be unwary - you should take practical precautions with the world at large, and people in particular! But that doesn't mean you need to put someone in the "bad person" box because somebody told you.

There's something really awful about that box. Once you put someone in that box, suddenly they deserve everything you do to them. I've had people I know and love brag to me about some petty reprehensible shit they did to someone, who they said deserved every bit of it. Who can say that? Who can really say that?

Do not be the one to say another person deserves your worst.


Pearl said...


I can relate to this.


dogimo said...

Pearl, if you're like me, people have tried to rope you into alliances.

Jen said...

The Apostle Paul: "... so that no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I say and do."

dogimo said...

I tend to hold him to that.