Listen, we here at Consider Your Ass Kicked! are going to help some companies out there add value to their brands, and maybe who knows? Inspire some aspiring ad copy writers out there to do the same, with this brand-new feature "Punch Up Your Ad Copy!" Our regular Sunday God Blog Theology feature will return next week (or on some future week to that effect).
Here's what I see on the back of my Quaker Oats Instant Oatmeal box (by the way guys, love the new hand punch-back pull-out "handy pantry pack" back-panel opening!):
Folks, that's perfectly good ad copy. There's nothing wrong with that ad copy. Until you see this -
See? See? Now that ad copy is punchy. Oh, the other one was fine, but where's the punch? It ho hums along 'til it suddenly hits that "perfect day" and you're like, "Oh god damn it, that's a bit much, Quaker. PERFECT DAY? Nobody ever has or has had a perfect day. And if you think a bowl of hot wet oats is what will do that trick, you need to get that hat examined! Maybe it's too tight. Giving you the shakes."
Wait actually it says "perfect start" not perfect day, but I'm right there with you on that one. I thought the same thing. So this new version of theirs with "perfect start" instead of "perfect day," it's just - well, it's less of hysterically-overreaching hyperbole, but if anything, it becomes too timid.
Mine on the other hand. Check that out. Now at first you might say, proper's kind of an odd word, coming there. Wrong. Because Quaker is one proper company, and getting that out of the way up front sets the tone, and keeps the whole thing "on-message," brand-wise. If you're going to write ad copy, you better learn that lesson. And then the rest of it just brings the message home - like a freight train.
Quaker does not endorse or pay for this post. Nor should they! I provide this as a free service to the public - and you just keep making that oatmeal, boys.
Here's what I see on the back of my Quaker Oats Instant Oatmeal box (by the way guys, love the new hand punch-back pull-out "handy pantry pack" back-panel opening!):
For over 130 years, Quaker has unlocked the power of oats to help people get the perfect start to each day.
Folks, that's perfectly good ad copy. There's nothing wrong with that ad copy. Until you see this -
For over 130 years, Quaker has unlocked the proper secret of ultimate oat goodness to unleash the power of oats on YOUR breakfast.
See? See? Now that ad copy is punchy. Oh, the other one was fine, but where's the punch? It ho hums along 'til it suddenly hits that "perfect day" and you're like, "Oh god damn it, that's a bit much, Quaker. PERFECT DAY? Nobody ever has or has had a perfect day. And if you think a bowl of hot wet oats is what will do that trick, you need to get that hat examined! Maybe it's too tight. Giving you the shakes."
Wait actually it says "perfect start" not perfect day, but I'm right there with you on that one. I thought the same thing. So this new version of theirs with "perfect start" instead of "perfect day," it's just - well, it's less of hysterically-overreaching hyperbole, but if anything, it becomes too timid.
Mine on the other hand. Check that out. Now at first you might say, proper's kind of an odd word, coming there. Wrong. Because Quaker is one proper company, and getting that out of the way up front sets the tone, and keeps the whole thing "on-message," brand-wise. If you're going to write ad copy, you better learn that lesson. And then the rest of it just brings the message home - like a freight train.
Quaker does not endorse or pay for this post. Nor should they! I provide this as a free service to the public - and you just keep making that oatmeal, boys.
Comments
I usually expect to see breakfast by dinner or bedtime.
Although I would postulate that religion's relationship to the people has only a negligible effect on the digestive process, despite the part about the sigh of the oppressed creature (who cannot poop).
Ugh.
Also, one of the first things my first boss after journalism school, an old editor with decades of newspaper experience, said to me was to never say "over" when it should be "more than". I may have told you that before but. Always stayed with me.
Quaker's use of "over" here feels justifiable to me. I see what you're saying, but in terms of ad copy, "over 130 years," I don't know, it just conjures the right image. Mr. Quaker, watching benevolently over us all, all that time!
My current oats are a bit disconcerting.
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/844/img22201.jpg/
The "unstabilised" makes me feel like they're off their meds or something. Like, I don't even know what they're gonna do next they're so cray.
Sounds Masonic.
Cultish, but in a Victorian kind of way.