Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Saturday, June 01, 2013

Thoroughly Exploring the "Friend Zone"

The "Friend Zone" is what some guys call it when you hang around waiting for the basis to change, long past the point where she already told you on the up and up all along: she doesn't want you, she's not into you.

Guys who use the term tend to exhibit certain traits:

1. They seem to think she is the one being dishonest!

Seriously. She's come flat out and said no dice. They're the ones who ACCEPT her offer of friendship, "friends only," all the while hanging on and harboring this secret infatuation and resentment. But she's the one dishonest?

2. They claim to feel like they're punished for being "nice guys," meanwhile jerks and bad boys get all the pussy.

You know what, this insults me, because I'm a nice guy. Not all nice guys are pussies. In fact, a guy hoping for sex who pretends to be your friend in the meantime is not a nice guy. And yes, it is definitely a pretense, a false friendship, when a guy claims he's OK with what you offer: with being just your friend, but really he is only hanging on to indulge his fantasy that you'll "see his worth," and fall in love. That's not a friend, not a nice guy - that's just a pussy, right there. And you already saw his worth, so no danger of any of that happening.

I don't get these guys. What is the attraction for them? Seriously! I'm not attracted to girls and women who don't want me. Not wanting me is a real turn-off, frankly. How can it not be for these guys? How can it not be for anyone?

But while the turn-off leaves be not wanting "more," I can still be a friend. An actual friend, not a pretend-friend, not some loser pretending to be okay with the sincere friendship on offer, but really not okay with it at all. Really holding on hoping for what you openly, honestly, do not offer.

I suspect this shit keeps happening to them because their dishonesty and contempt for simple friendship, their deception and self-delusion masking desperation and discontent, is something that people can pick up on when they are targeted by it. I imagine it comes across as subtly repulsive! These turds see no value in a real, no-strings gift of friendship. I'm sure that attitude shows.

So anyway! That's the "Friend Zone." Anyone have any perspectives of their own to share on this one? I await with an open mind, non-judgmental pretty much!


JMH said...

I'm shocked by the truth of this. I've been a total pussy at times. Well fuck that, no more.

dogimo said...

Jon, thanks for the support on that. I really hesitated on posting this - and by "hesitated," this was a draft from 3 years ago) Oh ok, I'm sure most of that time it was also forgotten, but I'd run across it, it'd pop up and I'd look at it, and I would not hit post.

It is extraordinarily lacking in compassion, for me. And the fact is - whether it's a man or a woman in that zone, that can be a place of extraordinary pain. And I know that. So to post something so cold was just difficult. But I couldn't find any other way to put this.

People have to own their own shit at some point and recognize who is causing the pain of being in that zone. The pain is from dishonesty, from self-deception - and the continual letdown of that false friendship never blossoming into true love.

I hate to seem pitiless. Anyway - you reassure me that I struck the right chord of nerves, even if the tone does jar me a bit.

It may not be possible for me as a writer to write pleasantly or positively about self-torture.

dogimo said...

What I meant to say was just: thanks.

JMH said...

These ideas are a nice weapon to have. They've got that cold sharp logic going on, which is just the thing to cut through a delusion so sugary and delicious.

dogimo said...

Hm. Maybe I should try to do more in that mode? I will have to come up with a name for that feature. How about - Cruel Truths For Dudes Who Can Take It?

Haha, that's such an ass branding for what I'd be trying to do though. How about Cruel Truths I've Told Myself, By And By, That Tell Me What To Do In This Moment of Crisis?

No. Too long. Also, the question mark?

Nothing involving "tough love," though! Definitely not. The term "tough love" is pretty much devalued by now. Those pushing "tough love" have tried too hard to force-feed others too much mushy junk, under that tough-love guise. Stuff that's not love, stuff that's not even tough! They just call it tough because they dole it out unpleasant advice with caustic tone. Unpleasant advice - often, stupid advice! Advice that won't even help the recipient.

Oh, but we should value it anyway, because it's "tough love," because the advice giver has taken such pains to sound all hard core about it. Well I say, fuck such tough love. And not even roughly, like it'd like you to! Gently, with all the tenderness and care that it (being so all-concerned "tough") will HATE.

Hard or easy, truth is what love gives. These tough-love pushers are only so concerned that love be tough because they're gotten into such dumb binds by the way they're ordinarily such pussies about telling people what they want to hear. And not telling them all the little things they may not want to hear. And then once it builds up and up to where a person keeps going all the way down and down that road - the path that you've known ALL ABOUT, that they've kept you in the loop on all along and you have not said word 1 in criticsm! But suddenly oh, it's time for you to "get tough?" about how far out of line they suddenly are now?

How all-fire ballsy courageous of you motherfucker!

Hm. Maybe I should call it Advice To Pussies.

No that's horrible; I'm a feminist for god's sakes! I can do better than that!

Hmm. Or can I.