The Theology of Gettin' Laid! (warning: not a professional theologian. Not authoritative theology) (Pretty much never gets laid)
Basically, this is more questions, at least to begin with. We all know the Jews. I tell you, Samson was one consecrated motherfucker, and in consequence, he was rippin' doors off towns' walls, bashing in Philistine brains with an ass's jawbones, ripping lions to pieces with his BIG, BEAR HANDS, and a number of other amusing feats. All the while he was fucking up a storm, and I don't mean just Delilah. This, by the way, just after the time of Israel's Kings, in the time of the Judges - and certainly in a time when Mosaic law was already very highly developed. So at what point did fucking get on the DO NOT list?
The Jews in those days were an earthy, earthly breed, very much in the mode of full gratitude for this gift of all the natural. They didn't turn their nose up at ripping each others' clothes off and FUCK FUCK FUCKA FUCKA ALL DAY NIGHT ALL AROUND THE TENT - naw. No way. When did fucking get on the "Thou Shalln't" list?
It didn't.
Oh, come at me with your epistles, bro. Maybe you will be glad you did, because guess what, "good news!" - and you know what else, fuck all these JUDGYPANTS PRUDES. They ain't even nigh Christ's mighty throne of judgment, let alone fit to sit on it. All these dirtbag gnostic duelists fighting to the death with the material on behalf of the spirtual - LIKE THE SPIRITUAL NEEDS THE HELP OF THESE CLOWNS! - totally convinced MATTER BAD, Spirit Good!
Palestine and indeed, all the Roman realm in those days was thick and lousy with varying stripes of these 'fraid of their own genitalia material/spiritual dualists, and they all spelt one thing: reject the garden. Because you know what? It's still a garden here, holmes. It's just we have to garden it ourselves now. And I am a constant gardener.
The taint of gnostic dualism so rife at the time of Christ and of Christianity's rise could not help but creep into the early church, whispering like a snake this bad news: "Reject the gift of life God gave. BE ASHAMED OF IT. The material world is VILE. Why, you'd be better off CELIBATE than FUCKING!"
Guess fucking what:
Good news.
Nothing natural is shameful, friends. Diogenes. And also: God, who if you recall, was not in favor of that fucking dopey-looking fig leaf merkin Adam felt so all decked out about. OF COURSE ADAM WAS ASHAMED OF THE NATURAL! He'd just eaten the Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and after the indigestion passed he found he had practically no better ideas than before! The only thing he really became sure of after eating was that he'd chosen to prefer his judgment over God's (kind of implicit? In the act? NO MAGIC FRUIT REQUIRED?). Adam knew that much: he knew good and evil now, just like God knew good and evil (BUT REALLY, DUDE? TO THE SAME DEGREE? INFINITELY?). So first thing, he picked a biggest fig leaf (overcompensating), slapped that thing over his dick all proud, thinking "MAN - when God sees this sweet fig leaf he'll SHIT! He doesn't even KNOW I know I'm naked!"
Eating the fruit of a tree of a knowledge of good and evil doesn't suddenly transform your fucking ASH DUST ASS into an organism that can metabolize that fruit - let alone into anything like omniscient. You will not have remotely the means to judge. Adam knew the shit now and called the shots - but he was out of his league now, out of the garden. Out of the gardener's hands, into his own - his choice! Yours too, if you care to check it.
Eve's too.
Everyone's. Unanimous; ask around.
Not at all in control, or even in comprehension of all this nature, and so he feared it and was ashamed of his own body. Of course he was in fear, of course he was ashamed. These natural things he once owned, 100% covered and maintained and understood - well, the understanding of a guest at a resort, at least. What once was simplicity itself, now - come to find out his body, his mate's, the fruits of the land and the beasts and the fish in the sea - a total mystery to Adam.
Adam felt very much like "I don't really understand jack SHIT about how to manage this." Perhaps he should of eaten from the Tree of the Knowledge of How to Get Shit Done, but don't worry - we found that tree, and ever since have been feasting off it.
They talk about the fall of Eden, and all human misery that came following in attendant upon that one decision: to prefer one's judgment over God's. But what they always try to snow you about is this: all this was not punishment. It was consequence. Natural consequence, at that. Well of course the land won't feed you. Of course you have to till it - no shit! God took care of that shit before, and you preferred your own devices. Your fig leaf.
Which is fine.
The natural world is still an INSANELY GREAT heritage. We just gotta work it work it a bit more, well ok.
Anyway!
Now jump back, kiss you'self and get down with your bad goodness! Fuck, if you wish, your god damn brains out you crazy beautiful human beings you and can I possibly get an amen? Come forth and multiply! Or, as you prefer, don't.
It's natural to respect one's own preference and inclination in these matters.
The Jews in those days were an earthy, earthly breed, very much in the mode of full gratitude for this gift of all the natural. They didn't turn their nose up at ripping each others' clothes off and FUCK FUCK FUCKA FUCKA ALL DAY NIGHT ALL AROUND THE TENT - naw. No way. When did fucking get on the "Thou Shalln't" list?
It didn't.
Oh, come at me with your epistles, bro. Maybe you will be glad you did, because guess what, "good news!" - and you know what else, fuck all these JUDGYPANTS PRUDES. They ain't even nigh Christ's mighty throne of judgment, let alone fit to sit on it. All these dirtbag gnostic duelists fighting to the death with the material on behalf of the spirtual - LIKE THE SPIRITUAL NEEDS THE HELP OF THESE CLOWNS! - totally convinced MATTER BAD, Spirit Good!
Palestine and indeed, all the Roman realm in those days was thick and lousy with varying stripes of these 'fraid of their own genitalia material/spiritual dualists, and they all spelt one thing: reject the garden. Because you know what? It's still a garden here, holmes. It's just we have to garden it ourselves now. And I am a constant gardener.
The taint of gnostic dualism so rife at the time of Christ and of Christianity's rise could not help but creep into the early church, whispering like a snake this bad news: "Reject the gift of life God gave. BE ASHAMED OF IT. The material world is VILE. Why, you'd be better off CELIBATE than FUCKING!"
Guess fucking what:
Good news.
Nothing natural is shameful, friends. Diogenes. And also: God, who if you recall, was not in favor of that fucking dopey-looking fig leaf merkin Adam felt so all decked out about. OF COURSE ADAM WAS ASHAMED OF THE NATURAL! He'd just eaten the Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and after the indigestion passed he found he had practically no better ideas than before! The only thing he really became sure of after eating was that he'd chosen to prefer his judgment over God's (kind of implicit? In the act? NO MAGIC FRUIT REQUIRED?). Adam knew that much: he knew good and evil now, just like God knew good and evil (BUT REALLY, DUDE? TO THE SAME DEGREE? INFINITELY?). So first thing, he picked a biggest fig leaf (overcompensating), slapped that thing over his dick all proud, thinking "MAN - when God sees this sweet fig leaf he'll SHIT! He doesn't even KNOW I know I'm naked!"
Eating the fruit of a tree of a knowledge of good and evil doesn't suddenly transform your fucking ASH DUST ASS into an organism that can metabolize that fruit - let alone into anything like omniscient. You will not have remotely the means to judge. Adam knew the shit now and called the shots - but he was out of his league now, out of the garden. Out of the gardener's hands, into his own - his choice! Yours too, if you care to check it.
Eve's too.
Everyone's. Unanimous; ask around.
Not at all in control, or even in comprehension of all this nature, and so he feared it and was ashamed of his own body. Of course he was in fear, of course he was ashamed. These natural things he once owned, 100% covered and maintained and understood - well, the understanding of a guest at a resort, at least. What once was simplicity itself, now - come to find out his body, his mate's, the fruits of the land and the beasts and the fish in the sea - a total mystery to Adam.
Adam felt very much like "I don't really understand jack SHIT about how to manage this." Perhaps he should of eaten from the Tree of the Knowledge of How to Get Shit Done, but don't worry - we found that tree, and ever since have been feasting off it.
They talk about the fall of Eden, and all human misery that came following in attendant upon that one decision: to prefer one's judgment over God's. But what they always try to snow you about is this: all this was not punishment. It was consequence. Natural consequence, at that. Well of course the land won't feed you. Of course you have to till it - no shit! God took care of that shit before, and you preferred your own devices. Your fig leaf.
Which is fine.
The natural world is still an INSANELY GREAT heritage. We just gotta work it work it a bit more, well ok.
Anyway!
Now jump back, kiss you'self and get down with your bad goodness! Fuck, if you wish, your god damn brains out you crazy beautiful human beings you and can I possibly get an amen? Come forth and multiply! Or, as you prefer, don't.
It's natural to respect one's own preference and inclination in these matters.
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