Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Friday, June 12, 2015


I wish I could describe what she does.

I mean, I could, but it seems a bit tacky.


Let's just say - if you're a fan of Japanese anime, there's some inspiration there - and while she is primarily a Lioness themed Evangelical half-angel half-human KAIJU BEAST (not necessarily Diakaiju! She's never grown to giantess proportions in battle, but everyone who's gauged and guessed at the nature and extent of her powers suspects it's simply because she hasn't seen the necessity or had the opportunity to slap down any giants), her various warring natures - nobly savage animal, self-loathingly heroically flawed human, angelic above all - make her extremely unpredictable and all-but-impossible to plan for. Or rather: plan against.

She's got a particularly infamous reputation for pulling so-called "angel powers" out of her ASS, basically (NOT LITERALLY). In the middle of the thick of it, knocked back and bleeding from the mouth she might bristle a bit (or "bridle" for those of you who prefer that word but - TRUST ME. EVANGELIONESS BRISTLES NOT BRIDLES), narrow her eyes, bare her teeth and - GROWLINGLY, leap to her feet and, with right arm upthrust to heaven and palm outstretched, SHRIEK in a voice that is clearly three different impossible-to-the-human-larynx distinct and reverberating notes: "CALL ANGELIC SWORD!!!" while the various enemies lunging and fleeing about her stop in their tracks - some protesting "Has she ever even DONE THAT before...!?" and others frozen mid-move in a panic lest whatever's about to rain down rain on them.

The smart ones - and especially, those with sufficiently humiliating past experience - if capable of hypersonic or teleportational evacuation, usually will bug the fuck out and not wait around to see. Find a fucking tv and tune to the live broadcast, right? Her fights are ALWAYS popcornworthy.

For a supervillain, combat with Evangelioness is typically regarded as ideal practice for their "THE FUCK OUT OF HERE" protocols. Particularly courageous and powerful supervillains do seem (up to a point) to love hanging in there blow-for-blow, trying to test her limits and/or psyche her out of her game. She's a streaky player, an emotional overwhelm superstar, and it's widely believed that "if you can get inside her head," you'll take her out easy - child's play, even.

Oddly or otherwise, it hasn't happened yet.

But her worst most feared power is worse than even that.

In a duller villain's mind her uncertain strength (no one knows how strong - it really does seem to vary, and sometimes, she will struggle with enormous effort or even fail a feat that would not daunt a weaker hero! - but what consolation is that to an evil mastermind, when the upper limit she's exhibited breaks the established scale), fury, and inhuman recovery abilities (not invulnerable in the classic sense! But incredibly resilient and durable, and - guys, THE BITCH CAN FAITH-HEAL HERSELF if you give her the wrong moment to collect!) will be far to the fore. But a good number of villains - by eyewitness, not by first-hand experience, for reasons that become evident - have tipped to the fact that she is a projecting emotional empath.

Nor any garden-variety projecting emotional empath. Evangelioness is a projecting emotional empathy of monstrous order. And oh no, she isn't a saint at all as it turns out (no one thought so but her anyway, and only in her best most saintly ego moments, but regardless: oh, no. She isn't). She's a half-angel at best - in fact, Halfangel was her first super-name before the beast powers began to manifest. As she got more assured (and powerful), as villains got progressively more outraged and frantic and as battles got bloodier and brusier, she started constantly freaking out all hair-flying-lioness-ROAR on you, and shit - and her appearance, already quite fearsome when at high-angelic pitch, altered accordingly (and disconcertingly to some, especially some of her co-religionists with negative associations surrounding "Beasts," albeit - she kinda sorta secretly loves this!). But back to oh no, no saint.

She ain't.

Because in that moment of complete contempt and rage for you personally YOU - with good reason, surely right?! In the moment, justified! "Bad guy"! But she about scourges herself forever afterwards for these, though. In the moment - and it doesn't happen too often, but when it does, no trace of such conflictedness! - in the moment, she has been seen to very joyously and uproariously enjoy inflicting a little personal "instrumentality moment" on a particularly vile opponent - and especially, those known for mind games. OH NO! EXCRUCIATING BODY-WRACKING SOUL-BLISS MIND-JOY NIRVANA MOMENT OVERWHELM! So much for your A.T. Field dude. "Sorry"

Personality go pop.

To say nothing of the mess to clean up. Oh - no, the person's physical body is still there! Completely unharmed, but better bring a hose and some fucking diapers. We're talking - perhaps "hot mess" is what you'd say?

Evangelioness prefers the term "warm mess." She'll be very "up" and happy talky laughy for a few days, maybe weeks depending on how bad the bad guy used to be, but she knows the crippling guilt, depression and regret are "in the mail."

Let's not be too hard on the poor girl. It's a BAD GUY right? And they'll probably recover in a few decades, right? Albeit, maybe that person will not the same "person" technically. Hard to say. Do you believe in spirit, in soul? I mean, most don't! But we're talking same brain right? Seat of the personality? And same DNA? It's the same person, gotta be. They've just been, in a very non-salvific sense, "born again." Gotta start from scratcheroo. We can look at it as a good chance to test those nature versus nurture theories, given the right hospital! Your only bet's probably one of those fucked-up anime-related psychological-injury wards, with a fully-trained rehabilitation staff that's willing to humiliate themselves wearing genderneutralsexy-stylized Sailor Nurse outfits and responding with the requisite WIDE EYES and OVERSIZED SURPRISE-CIRCLE-MOUTH jaw drops to whatever gibberish the patient is trying to communicate.

Evangelioness does her penances visiting the sick and imprisoned, and generally, has to go to confession AGAIN afterwards. Yeah, Catholic. One of those. And gloating, okay - while technically not a sin, know. It's unbecoming.

She has such high standards for her own emotions.

No comments: