Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Stuck For What To Get To Give? Try These Can't Miss Gift Suggestions!

Here's more can't-miss gifts from the mind of Mister Gifty himself, Dogimo "The Gift Butler" Jones.

An indoor gnome. Like a garden gnome, but for indoors! Practically no one has one of these! What you do is, go get a garden gnome and then use your desktop publishing skills to customize a box with a lot of colorful pictures and testimonial information: INDOOR Gnome! Perfect for the study! For the bedroom! For the half-bath! Indispensable conversation piece! Everyone will be talking about your INDOOR GNOME! Just make the box all slick with a lot of pictures of the gnome in various rooms, surrounded by amazed generic family members clearly digging the gnome. The recipient will take one look at that box and realize this is something they're supposed to have in the house.

A Secret-Compartment Gnome! Not just any garden gnome, this garden gnome has a SECRET COMPARTMENT. It also serves as a devilish puzzle! Create a similar box to the one described above for Indoor Gnome, only touting how devilish the puzzle is and how it's all up to YOU (i.e. the recipient) to figure out how to open the SECRET COMPARTMENT! Then go get a regular garden gnome and put it in the box. Done! Best thing about this one is you can ask the recipient for updates on how it's coming, from time to time.

A more traditional style Puzzle Gnome is possible, but would be hard to do. If you could bust up a garden gnome into small smoothly interlocking pieces of relatively uniform size, the box would be very easy to design for this one. But in practice, I find a garden gnome tends to bust into rough pieces of large size, many pieces of tiny size, and way too much dust and powder to be presented as a "puzzle" you could put back together. Still, when you give them a box proclaiming it Puzzle Gnome, and they open it up and it's just this fucking demolished garden gnome - that might be a pretty fucked-up joke in itself to pull on someone! Then you can say: ah, I got ya! Here's your real present, though: Indoor Gnome.

Other gift ideas could be even more practical! Single-Use Home Defense Gnome. Ceiling Gnome...well wait, I guess that's just Indoor Gnome by another name. But who cares? It's how you present it that matters.

Once you've learned to get creative with the box, the perfect gift idea will become a snap!

Speaking of Indoor Gnome by another name, you know what, it should be called simply "Home Gnome," I think. Way better. If you're any good at customizing gnome sculpture, you could cut into the head part and make it removable and plant a phone in there and it could be Home Phone Gnome! That's getting a little fancy, though. With the box and everything else, I don't know how much effort you want to put into this.


dogimo said...

OK, I checked online and there already are some Gnome manufacturers who position their Gnomes as being either for Indoor use or as Indoor/Outdoor Gnomes. That could be an easy shortcut for you on the above suggestion!

Of course, it's not as personal a touch as customizing it yourself. As always, it's up to you how personal you want your gift to be. But for those of you harried and pursued by many obligations - a shortcut.

dogimo said...

It's also worth pointing out! For those of you who may have read my Indoor Gnome suggestion and scoffed: who's the fool NOW? That's right!

Clearly the idea has merit. It's for sale, right on the internet. Products don't get that kind of global exposure unless there's a market for it.

People, these Gnomes have never been hotter and the time to strike with this hot gift idea is now - before it becomes a craze.