Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Thursday, March 03, 2016

My Political Position #6: Innovative? Or Revolutionary

Folks, it's hotting up again on the politics front, and so of course all of a sudden here I go.

As if to save the day.

People need ideas, because the ideas we have now are proven and they don't work. First I say we make the President the new Pope as far as America's concerned. There's precedent for this, don't worry. It worked perfectly. Also: don't worry, this will only affect American Catholics. There will still be the Protestant Fundamentalists and Assorted Others Etc. to "balance out shit" as per strict Constitutional requirement - but that's only phase one! Next, once that coup de gras is complete, you slowly water the "running things" part of the position down to a largely ceremonial role (apart from heading the CofA of course). We could even make the role hereditary at that point. Why not? It'd be mostly ceremonial for us by then, a way of celebrating our rich traditions. Ceremonial - like a rain dance! Like a love scene in a movie. Like wolf's howl - like a touchdown! It could be largely ceremonial.

To avoid confusion for the sake of consistency though, the Feds may need to "persuade" Burger King to call itself Burger President, at least in the States.

OR: how about President is a life-time position - but we keep electing more of them every 4-to-8 years? And then they can vote it out between them. This is an idea whose time is RIGHT HERE. It would be called Team President, or something. But to balance things, there'd be only one Vice President - and he or she wouldn't be allowed on a plane with ANY of them. That's because if one of the Presidents is killed (or dies of natural causes), the one and only Vice President is automatically elevated to President.

As you can imagine, this would pretty much make fascism impossible. I mean, unless the people deliberately spend twenty years electing unrepentant Fascist party candidates to the presidency! And even then it would be unworkable probably. Fascist heads of state aren't known for their "getting along" skills.

What's another one. How about we do what Portugal is doing? They had a sort of drug-lord based regime I heard, and now as I understand it, everything's much better on that score.

Another thing we could really take a clue from is the E.U. We need to see if we can woo the Dutch away from them, and then reconstitute ourselves as the United States of America and Dutchia.

Folks I'm on fire. Get me to the convention and I don't care which. When it comes to being an idea-man those people have NO IDEA.


Mel said...

Here, despite being a monarchy, Burger King PICTURED HERE is called Hungry Jack's. I think it's to do with keeping a separation of powers between the government and Head of State.

Which in turn keeps things chill come voting day.


dogimo said...

Yes, yes - I remember you telling me about that. What do they call a Quarter Pounder there?

My theory is, they call it Hungry Jack because even Australians know McDonald's is way better than Burger King. By playing the Hungry Jack card, you confuse people who know better, plus you glean a little collateral love from the Jack-In-The-Box aficionados who get confused and ultimately, disappointed and disgusted by this blatant "Jack" hijack by the Burger King himself.

You have to admire his gall at the very least.

Mel said...

A Quarter Pounder is a Quarter Pounder. A chicken burger is a McChicken or McGrilled but when I got back from my last visit to the States and the whole chicken/cheese burger situation I went to the Maccas near work to get a chicken burger so I asked for a McGrilled and the cashier said "we don't have them any more, we have the deluxe range" or some such thing and I almost cried right there at the counter because the UK doesn't have the McGrilled either and it just felt like the entire world was conspiring against me and my simple desire for a chicken burger. Anyway, we still have the McChicken here which is an acceptable compromise, or I can get the Deluxe chicken McWhatever-it's-called and just ask them to take the bacon, sauce and other accoutrements off, thus making it a McGrilled by any other name.

We don't have Jack-In-The-Box here but the wiki made for amusing reading.

"Food items include ... internationally themed foods such as tacos."

"In addition, many commercials have advertised free car antenna balls with every meal. The antenna balls have since been discontinued due to the demise of the mast-type car antenna."

I lament here the lack of a link to a wikipedia page on "mast-type car antennas". I sort of feel like its tragic and under-reported demise deserves some attention, its story to be told. It's the kind of follow-through link wiki was made for. Or at the very least a citation.

"In 1981, horse meat labeled as beef was discovered at a Foodmaker plant that supplied hamburger and taco meat to Jack in the Box. The meat was originally from Profreeze of Australia, and during their checks on location, the food inspectors discovered other shipments destined for the United States which included kangaroo meat."


dogimo said...

Why am I not surprised.