Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Monday, September 12, 2016

Tough Topics #31: The Intelligent Design Controversy

Another thing: those "Intelligent Design" people? Always talking about how "obvious" it is? Well how come they never point out how the vagina is almost the perfect opposite of a penis??!

I'll tell you why, it's because they're hypocrites. A bunch of sex prudes, refusing to even mention the best argument they've got, probably: creation's naughty parts. After all: come on! Could those parts have arisen at random? In tandem? Pretty suspicious, if so.

It's kind of a tipoff, how they do all these cartwheels everywhere to scrupulously avoid all the sex stuff like it was the plague. Like it was a pitfall, and they thought their name was Harry. Swinging on vines over quicksand and crocodiles, with all their nudity taboos hanging out, and their so-called sexual mores - meanwhile, a moray eel has a better idea of healthy and natural sex attitudes than these people do. Or most of them, anyway. I tell you it'd be laughable, if there were anything the slightest bit funny about how pathetic it all is. Trying to act all natural about it, walking around nude as the emperor's sweet patoot - but with the HUGEST FIG LEAF EVER on! Oh, of course.

Surrr-r-r-r-re. We totally believe you on that fig leaf, dude. We're so sure you need one THAT BIG.



VEG said...

Where does one buy fig leaves anyway? Is there some sort of store for them? Like a Forever 21 of fig leaves? Maybe it could also sell loin cloths and those pasty things lady strippers put on their nipples (allegedly). Fig leaves are definitely about prudism. Is that a word? Who cares?

Fig leaves do nothing for warmth, I imagine, or keeping out rain or insects or the plague, therefore it must be about modesty. Unless it was some biblical version of high end fashion at the time, a must for all the kids who could manage only oak leaves or some sharp palm fronds.

dogimo said...

VEG! Yes, I'd say prudism is a word.

Fig leaves aren't much in style, these days. In the old days I believe they used to grow on trees - and probably still do! But not around here. Not much call for them in California. People into daring attire find swimwear more effective, and people into modesty go with yoga pants, or some other full-surface cover-up for the hinders and nethers.

I think you're right, though, it was just the first wave of fashion. The first thing that came to hand. Other things came up later, trends, crazes. Catch on, sweep up the public and then pass away. At one point in the 20th century, apparently it was BARRELS!

People like to cover up and tease at the same time, I think. It's like those Greek statues: totally nude, but "oh okay! They put on a fig leaf." Huge modesty statement there, meanwhile: titillations galore! You can practically see everything! One of art's high purposes is to help us use the imagination, is it not?

The fig leaf was sort of an asterisk: look below for the nudity omitted here. Or perhaps, in terms of a rhetorical device, the fig leave is apophasis: to draw attention to a fact by pretending to omit it. "It would be inappropriate at this time to bring up my penis..."

Ok that's quite enough I believe. The fig leaf ladies and gentlemen!