Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Monday, October 03, 2016

Here's Some Movies Where I Don't Like That One.

I don't like the one where James Woods is supposed to be the good guy. Come on. We're rooting for him enough as it is! Making him the good guy, that's just overkill. Or something. Possibly, double-reverse-overkill.

I like the one where there's a shootout at the end, but I don't like the one where you think there's going to be a shootout, and instead the good guy and the bad guy make love.

I like the one where - wait, The Prophecy! I liked that one. But apart from that one, I hate the one where instead of a sense-making climax, they just slap a shitload of writhing special effects lightshow bullshit across the screen for five to ten minutes while people duck, dive and do frantic incomprehensible things, and expect you to be satisfied like it's the fucking grand finale of a fireworks. As if that's all you need to successfully conclude a fucking narrative arc!

Technically, also: Raiders. They originated it, arguably, but they made up for the bad example by showing us how to pull it off. I liked that one. Apart from those two, though, no.

I like the one where you see her tits! But I don't like the one where she dies right after. That's kind of bullshit. Another sign of the hegemony of the gosh-damn patriarchal/puritanical paradigm's sinister antinature program! Women must always be punished immediately for embracing the power of their sexuality? As a feminist I say: "FUCK" to that! Fuck it right in its puritanical UNISEX FUCKHOLE.

I don't like the one where the guy and the girl, and it's some big trumped-up complication, and all these ridiculous coincidences to keep them from figuring it out, and then at the last possible minute of escalating catastrophe towards their clearly-set destiny - they get killed by a truck.

I don't like that one at all.

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