Why is it always shoulders we cry on?
Maybe we should try other parts of the body. Why can't we cry on BUTTS?
LET'S CRY ON BUTTS, PEOPLE! #CryOnButts
Clothed butts, I mean. Obviously. For absorbency.
I feel like butts is probably the only other good option. Butts are sort of the lower-body equivalent of shoulders. Where the arms come together, where the legs come together - this ought to be a natural option, folks. I don't understand why it falls to me to come up with these things. This should have long since been "a thing."
Hm. In fact, it almost certainly already is. People don't talk about it, maybe. Well it's time to bring it into the light!
Now, how to get this rolling? Maybe one-to-one is the best way, for anything so emotionally intimate. Start small. Next time someone expresses woe and you want to offer your support and comfort, switch it up a bit:
"You know you have my butt to cry on, any time you need a butt to cry on."
"Wow. Aw thanks that's so sweet!"
Yes! It is, kinda. And the shoulder-offer is a little cliché, a little too expected by now. People think you don't mean it, that it's just a saying you're saying. A token offer of symbolic comfort. Well, NOBODY is going to think that when you switch it up and offer the butt. It'll be years before this gets big enough to risk tinging into cliché status. So you're pretty much safe, as far as that goes!
Another thing. Shoulder-shrugs are so expressive. The French have been catching flack for hundreds of years, probably, for that infuriating "Gallic Shrug" of theirs - which apparently they see fit to use as the answer to any question, even a rhetorical one! Even non-interrogative statement. It's just their way.
Is there any way to do a butt-shrug, I wonder? What a sweet comeback that would be, if so.