(please note: this is a children's book. Each line appears subscript or superscript upon a full-page gorgeous yet fetchingly casual illustration).
To be a king is a duty. A responsibility. An obligation.
Some kings deny their divine right to rule.
So long as they do not shirk their duty, I hold peace with such views.
I am King Unicorn Angel Sword.
I don't always dress this way.
Ofttimes a simple, classic, modern dress suit of clothes fits the bill.
Or to suit the occasion, I may appear in my military regimental dress. Dignity. Solemnity.
On the beach, I wear one of those 1900s getups.
It is important to our people to see that their King keeps to the old traditions.
But on special occasions of State, I appear before my people in my infamous full regalia.
The main response is a perfectly-understandable awe and deference.
Second-most prevalent response: hilarity. Also perfectly understandable.
My subjects think I'm a cool guy, pretty by and large.
I am stern of eye it is true. Yet fair of mien, to be fair.
And kindly, lordly and wise of bearing, as befits a king.
I try to be approachable.
I am very much relied upon in most quarters,
for my tact and insight in difficult personal matters,
and for my keen eye for fashion - for what truly suits, rather than what merely flatters the wearer.
Of course there will always be the occasional assassination attempt.
Generally the work of filthy revolutionaries.
Not to be confused with ordinary revolutionaries. (Note the indicators)
These guys never really bother anyone.
In a time of peace, my kingdom is prosperous and the love of my subjects is abundant.
These are the times I love best.
In a time of war, it is sometimes necessary to use war. In those dark days, my subjects rally fiercely to my call, to the defense of their country.
Results have been mixed. However, the strong fastness of my ancestral keep, Thunder Gulch Royal Fortress and Casino, has never fallen to any enemy while any remained within to defend her, which they usually do. That's a pretty good record.
Why not come live in my happy land?
Our tourism industry is nonexistent, to be honest.
Book a room at Thunder Gulch Royal Fortress and Casino while your temporary residential permit is processed, but my guess is after even only a few months here, you won't be wanting to move back to wherever you came from.
Our populace is happy and productive.
(by and large) (picture of filthy revolutionaries)
Our barter economy is thriving.
And if I may say so myself, we've got a pretty sweet King.
King Unicorn Angel Sword