Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Monday, November 06, 2023

Skull found inside Florida thrift store

Another in my late series of funny-as clickbait headlines. 

OK, this is such old news they did a Hellboy comic on it probably 10+ years ago. Abe Sapien was his backup, and HB had to battle the (SPOILER) DEAD BODY & REUNITED HEAD of BLACKBEARD THE PIRATE! ON THE BEACH! I won't say what happened to the poor sap who'd found the skull and killed the proprietor of the curio shop to get it. What that "sap" hadn't considered was that the ghost might rat him out for that, to one of the Bureau's midlevel psychics! BAD MOVE. 

Thankfully, he (I mean here Edward Teach, the legendary Black Beard) had "backup" too. I.e. the many dead souls (and their bodies) of people he'd killed and dumped overboard, and/or left for dead in the water. Unquietly they'd been asnooze in Davy Jones's Locker, for so long as Blackbeard's bits and pieces rotted outside of hell. Who knew Blackbeard was so savvy he could horcrux a skull? Like Harry Potter's snake-faced bad guy, Rafe Fines! 

Unspoiler. 

The good guys won, which...never needs to be spoiled in anything involving Hellboy. Trust me. He's the top field agent in the BPRD*! Never mind that in several of the movie adaptations, they try to act like that's a secret. In-universe, Hellboy's, no. He's not a shameful under-the-rug boogieman, he's a bona fide celebrity. Appeared on Time magazine's cover as a six-year old, or thenabouts! SECRET. 

As-if.  

*Bureau of Paranormal Research & Defense. DON'T WORRY. 

There really isn't one. 

And if there was, their field agents would be a hell of a lot better than those depicted onscreen thus far. Trust me. 

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