Why You Definitely Don't Want to Get Cancer

This is another (the first, in fact) in a series of educational posts on health issues of high-to-moderate concern. We are going to start it on 'high.' Today we examine Why You Definitely Don't Want to Get Cancer.

DISCLAIMER: Note, I am not a docter, but this shit's for real already, right? Got that straight.

First, some of the basics on cancer. What happens is, something - nuclear explosion, cosmic rays, toxic pollutant, food additive, strontium-90 sneakily masquerading as calcium, fried potato residue, SOMETHING - damages the genetic material in the nucleus of one of your cells, causing it to go all ass-wild. Reproducing itself unrestrictedly - not as it should, all orderly and functional as part of the tissues of the organ it was supposed to be a part of, but just unrestrained growth, a useless mass growing unchecked. Now, this happens on a fairly regular basis, and your T-cells knock the crap out of it. But sometimes one slips through and it's able to grow all out of control. Establish itself. This we call a tumor.

The political-minded among you will already be jumping way ahead of me with your conclusions, saying "If we apply this scenario on a macro scale to human society as a metaphor, we can see why anarchy would be such a bad way to structure a government." This is true, but we're not getting into that here. Let's keep it medical okay?

So the tumor, that's bad enough. It grows into the surrounding areas and starts messing up their ability to function, whether just by crowdling them or by actively invading their space with insidious tumorous tendrils. This is bad news for whatever system lives next door to the tumor.

But here's the worse part! At some point a mature tumor starts popping off colonizer cells - like a dandelion gone to seed, spreading its weed throughout the whole lawn! And if it gets to this stage, which some call "stage 1-2-3", and some call "metastasize," these colonizer cells are being spread right into the bloodstream. Result? The whole tumor process begins anew, wherever they are able to take root! And the more of those that do take root, you are just about guaranteed to run the risk of Stage 4.

The upshot of it all is pretty much death, unless you get really lucky or a miracle - or, of course, if you can catch it in its tracks before all of that happens.

So as you can see, that's Why You Definitely Don't Want to Get Cancer. Take time to read up on how to protect yourself, safeguard against it, detect the early onset in cases where that's even possible, and-or get checked by a qualified surgeon. Because cancer is nothing you even want to mess with, believe me.

Don't believe me? Ask your local medical establishment! They'll tell you the same thing.