Ok, I want to get something straight, here, to all you well-meaning souls out there, praying for people. Don't you DARE pray for me!
I WON'T BE PRAYED FOR! If God wants to help me, God can God-well decide to do it on God's own hook!
I have a very close relationship with God, ok? And frankly, it gets a little embarrassing to have God asking, all delicate-like like God does - real compassionate, sure thanks God! - "hey, Joe, old buddy...you know..."
LONG PAUSE
"...I've been getting an awful lot of people praying for you lately...is everything OK? Is there something you're not telling your old buddy, God?"
NO, God, there ISN'T, OK?? It's just these people out there, I don't know, too much time on their clasped hands.
So I calm God down and ease God out the door (I always give God a resounding butt-slap on the way out!! God loves it when we get all saucy and familiar like that), and then I just kind of sit down and fume.
So, look. I appreciate the good intention, I do. But all you pray-sayers out there, THANKS but NO THANKS! Me and God got this all wrapped up, so will you please butt out.
Naw, I'm kidding! Pray away. By all means, pray away! Good for what ails us all.
Ah, yes. Another top-notch Sunday theology post.
I WON'T BE PRAYED FOR! If God wants to help me, God can God-well decide to do it on God's own hook!
I have a very close relationship with God, ok? And frankly, it gets a little embarrassing to have God asking, all delicate-like like God does - real compassionate, sure thanks God! - "hey, Joe, old buddy...you know..."
LONG PAUSE
"...I've been getting an awful lot of people praying for you lately...is everything OK? Is there something you're not telling your old buddy, God?"
NO, God, there ISN'T, OK?? It's just these people out there, I don't know, too much time on their clasped hands.
So I calm God down and ease God out the door (I always give God a resounding butt-slap on the way out!! God loves it when we get all saucy and familiar like that), and then I just kind of sit down and fume.
So, look. I appreciate the good intention, I do. But all you pray-sayers out there, THANKS but NO THANKS! Me and God got this all wrapped up, so will you please butt out.
Naw, I'm kidding! Pray away. By all means, pray away! Good for what ails us all.
Ah, yes. Another top-notch Sunday theology post.
Comments
I think I'd probably have to tone it down a little more serious, though. For the pulpit? So you'd probably be very let down. I was raised in such a way, to be pretty fucking respectful - as needed, you know? As dependent on the venue.
Because there's a time and a place for everything, and for most things, CHURCH AIN'T IT.
Church is where I go to get my big-style hoop-a-joop PRAY on. I put on a big show of faith from the bottom of my heart, and it's all true. It's like the show I put on with a guitar and a song. That show is all true. God knows!
God's the one put the joy there in the first place.
Yeah, but. I'd be a dang disappointment as a minister, though. I always side with the congregation.