My apologies rule. I hate these apologies where people come in all whining and wheedling and asking you to feel a different way, or whatever. None of that for me! I just say "HEY. I see here where I was out of line, where I behaved ungallantly towards you: will you just look at that? Unacceptable, by my standard. Therefore I apologize." If I've done something I can apologize for, damn: I apologize.
None of this wiggly gray area crap! "ooooo I'm sorry if I offended you or hurt your feelings..." I mean, sure, I'd be sorry to offend too, if I did! But those kinds of apologies are so weak. If that's all a person's got to say on the topic? It's like playing it both ways, like "oh, well, I didn't mean to offend you (translation: I didn't do anything wrong, it's the thought that counts right?), but I'm SO SORRY you were offended (translation: you're a little on the sensitive side, aren't you?)."
Those are garbage apologies. Fuck's sake. The point of an apology isn't "oh I'm sorry I offended you oops, didn't mean to", it's to say "I offended MYSELF on that shit. This is a case of bad behavior, I just offended my own sense of justice on how I handled this with you - and whatever the hell I was thinking at the time, I'd like you to know I see that now. And I apologize."
See how I operate? Cold. Sorry just means you feel bad. Apology means you were demonstrably wrong.
Anyway, point is, I apologize. And sure, if I offended you or hurt your feelings as well, well, I'd be sorry for that too! But I'm not going to spin it at you like the real problem is your feelings.
I know, I know, I hate it when people go on and on with some big apology, but I couldn't help myself here on this one.
3 comments:
Well, you hold yourself to the highest standard, at least with respect to the apologee (not a word). That much is obvious - and admirable, if I do say so.
But I myself like those apologies that are not necessary except to serve a social function. Almost tongue-in-cheek, I think it's a gracious thing to do. I mean, if it's going to make someone else feel better, who gives a fuck?
Whether or whether not you intended this post ironically, I apologize if I've misinterpreted.
I'm totally on the level on this one! But I'm glad you asked. Sometimes I'm a bit "on the goof" as they say, with some of these.
Yeah, ultimately, it's more for my own selfish sense of having offended my own sensibilities that I apologize. The other person's just there to witness it.
I like the different ways that last paragraph of yours can be made to play out.
Also, excellent point about the social-nicety apology. I have no beef with those whatsoever! Genteel.
It's just those ones where the only apology they've got for you is basically, for the fact that you're thin-skinned - those are the only ones I can't stand.
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