Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Monday, August 01, 2011

Food Judge #1: Don't Let Ritz Rip You Off!

Here it is, and welcome to another edition of Food Judge!

We all love Ritz sandwiches. A fat slice of creamy peanut butter, squeezed all ooze-nestled between two sinfully-salty Ritz™ brand crackers? Salt sides out, naturally. Who could resist?

Well you better resist, because that's exactly what those bastards at Nabisco are counting on! If you play into their hands, you're going to be going through Ritz crackers at a rate of twice!

Wise up, cracker fans. The so-called Ritz sandwich is a scam. For very little diminished enjoyment, you can go open-faced: one cracker on the bottom (salt side down). A knife's worth of fat, goobery p.b.

And that's enough! You don't need a top on that! Your tongue will get plenty of cracker, you're sliding it in bottom-down, aren't you? What do you need a top for?

Take this tip and run with it. Your Ritz supply will last twice as long as those patsies chomping will-nilly through their stacks of delicious "Ritz sandwiches."

This message paid for by the Peanut Butter Viral Marketing Board and Anti-Defamation Guild.


dogimo said...

I'm just kidding with that last part. The big FDA/FTC non-disclosure notice halfway down the sideboard stands proud and unbesmirched! Nobody paid me for anything, here.

You can't fucking corrupt the Food Judge.

limom said...

Chicken in a Biskit FTW!