Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Once You Start Making Up Your Own Chuck Norris Jokes, It's Hard to Stop

When Chuck Norris gets bitten by a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris. Then Chuck Norris kills him.

For Chuck Norris, regular Shredded Wheat is "bite size."

No one ever calls Chuck Norris a motherfucker, but the fact is he was not a virgin when he was born. You do the math.

Chuck Norris said "Betelgeuse" three times. Nothing happened.

Chuck Norris could go to Vietnam RIGHT NOW and come back with a truckload of MIAs.

Chuck Norris doesn't trim his beard. He just wills it to stay the same length.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a passport. He just hands them his driver's license. It says "Chuck Norris."

If Chuck Norris had been around back then, The Odyssey would have been called "The Chuck Norrisyssey", it would have been 3 pages long, and instead of that Trojan Horse bullshit, it would have been a Trojan Chuck Norris and they would have just rammed the fucking gates down with it. None of this fuckin' subterfuge.

Beyonce isn't ready for Chuck Norris's jelly.

Chuck Norris does the IRS's taxes.

Ben Franklin they say discovered electricity, but it was Chuck Norris who INVENTED it.

Chuck Norris beat Deep Blue at Tic-Tac-Toe.

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