Ready? A portable cannon, approximately smaller than bazooka-sized, that you load hard-boiled eggs into a dozen at a time, and it peels them instantly and ejects the peels, and then when you pull the "SHUNK-shhhk!" lever (like the one on the bottom of a shotgun?) it halves each egg, the egg halves are rotated out and the yolks are smooshed in to the center chamber - this all happens mechanically, in one smooth motion during the "SHUNK-" phase - the yolk-halves are smooshed together with some mayo and mustard (supplied from dedicated chambers you must occasionally top off) and mixed into scoop-sized scoops, pumped right back into the waiting egg halves during the "-shhhk!" phase, so that you have 24 deviled eggs cocked and loaded that you can then FIRE AT PEOPLE!!!! Get that happy trigger finger going! It's semi-auto!
Because there's no reason deviled eggs shouldn't be just that easy. Plus I'm sick of these damn "pot lucks."