Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

You Know What I Go For? Plain Girls.

Plain girls. I love them. If I had to single out one type and say "That's my type?" I'd say: plain girls.

It's just something about them. It's not a superficial thing! I'm not basing it just on looks, although of course, that is a big part of it. Attraction in human beings is powerfully tied to sensory cues, and the visual is a big part of that equation! Especially for dudes, and some say the reason for this goes as deep as the male brain. But whatever the cause, man or woman we all have certain things that just make us sit up and take notice. That catch our eye, and it's not an issue that's a problem. It's just what attracts you. It's just down to what makes your switch light up! For me, that's a girl who is just PLAIN. Just plain plain.

Body type, hair color or whatever specifics - it's not such a big deal to me, she can be a little on the big side or a little on the little side, or she can have a hair color that a lot of people might call "nondescript" - these details don't matter. I just want to see that smile of hers, lighting up that plain face when our eyes meet, and one of us is walking into a room where the other one happens to be.

Plain girls, they don't base so much of their self-esteem in these surface issues. What if a girl is extremely good looking, suddenly she has mental problems surrounding that. Maybe she gets anxiety where her looks are concerned, concerned they are starting to fade - and that means she bases too much ego on skin-deep! Or they could be hereditary. Either way - watch out! Or girls that are very ugly - they can have self-esteem issues, too. In some cases a lot of people keep lying to them, to "spare their feelings." You think that doesn't put a big hit to your self-esteem? Being lied to all the time? People telling you how ugly you're not? When the truth is bad, a lie can be just as damaging.

But one thing, though: if you, too, want to embrace the plain girl mystique - you'd better be sincere with that. Don't be all, "Hey-y-y...I bet if I just get her to take her glasses off and take that ponytail down, shake out her hair in the sun in a lingering slow-motion closeup - she will be suddenly BAM! HOT!"

Don't even fucking ask her to do that. How many guys have seen that movie, and tried to put it into practice? She's sick of the attempts. She's sick of the disappointment in your eyes, when you - who had posed as a plain girl lover, but now have revealed yourself as clearly in the grip of an objectionably-speculative hot girl fetish - when you see that magical transformation fail to take place, and your face falls - what does that do to her? Just don't. Be honest, instead. Don't be messing around her mind like that. Love her for who she is: PLAIN.

Don't be messing with my plain girls. I may have to slap you up.


Mel said...

Funny... I have a thing for pilots.

dogimo said...

Well I can get myself a pilot's license I bet, but Mel, there's no way you're ever going to be plain.

dogimo said...


Holy shit, you little sneak. Was that an IMPLIED PUN you just laid on me?

Mel said...

Guilty as charged! But in my defense I will say that it was the best kind of pun. A pun based on the truth.

mmmmm airforce overalls.

dogimo said...

Knock it off, you people don't even have an Air Force! Or wait, you mean the pilots from the U.S. bases? I think we have some bases down there.

VEG said...

I like Pilots too. Particularly the Varsity. It makes your writing all purty-like. Haw!

I have to say, in all seriousness, I don't go for the chiselled, handsome type with washboard abs myself - pretty boys are too devoted to themselves and their mirrors. Brad Pitt and George Clooney also do nothing for me. The quirky looking dudes, now those are fun.

I have spoken.

Mel said...

We do have an airforce, we do! I swear it. Look, here's the wiki article on it. For real.

The Australian Airforce Squadron (A.S.S) was formed in 1919 in direct response to the country’s increasing need for national security and to give its young men a reason to grow moustaches like Errol Flynn (Indeed during the 1980s there would be moves to make Australian Crawl's classic hit “Errol” the airforce’s anthem with its rousing chorus of "Oh Errol, I would give everything, just to be like him”)

1940s: During WWII the A.S.S had grown significantly big enough to shoot down some dirty Germans. Good times.

1950s: Its role during the Korea Vs Korea War is unknown. We blame Alan Alda for this lack of documentation. I mean, we’ve seen every episode of M.A.S.H and A.S.S is not mentioned once. For shame Alan, for shame.

1960s-70s: The same goes for the Great Vietnamese War. I’m looking at you F.F. Coppola.

1980s: There may have been some skirmishes in the 1980s, who knows, it was all quite hush hush then, you know. Iron Curtain, Cold War, Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge etc etc.

1990s to 2000s: The Gulf War 1.0 and 2.0: Pretty sure wikileaks will confirm we kicked some ass.

Present Day: Coming to grips with camouflage and flying “down under” style.

dogimo said...

I like a girl pilot, who takes pilates. She strengthens her core in a time of peace to prepare for a time of war. She may be plain, but up her plane, it's plain she's got great good cause for vanity because damn. I don't think I can take it any farther rhyming.

dogimo said...

(Mel - brilliant article!)

(Veg, every so often I note you "doth protesting" on that Clooney bit, I'm not one of these guys who quotes Shakespeare like he was Freud or something but ahem)

John Dantzer said...

I like plain chips.

dogimo said...


Is that "chips" like American chips AKA British "crisps"? Or "chips" like British chips AKA American "french fries"?

Wait. Again.

It doesn't matter. BOTH ARE GREAT, PLAIN.

Chelley said...

Well, hey. I'm a plain girl. Maybe more pretty than beautiful, but no Helen of Troy. Just average. My facial symmetry is subpar. (it really doesn't fit the mathemeatical equation that allegedly equals perfection.) But in that, I find, that I'm just right. With my hair up, or down, in glasses, contacts or blind.

dogimo said...

See, this is precisely what I'm getting at - and thank you for a serious response Chelley! Plain or average are denigrated, considered insults, but I think the average human is beautiful. I don't go in for the mathematical equation.

Chelley said...

You are welcome, and Dogi, I think that applies to you too. I mean, it's hard to tell with your hair up and those specs.


You're tops, Joe.!

dogimo said...

Well, thank you for saying so, Chelley!