Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Approaches To Question-Answering Masterclass. #1: "Would You Have Sex With Me?"

"Well, at the end of the day, the answer to every question that starts 'Would You' would have to be yes. Because unspecified, 'Would You' encompasses a quantum infinitude continuum of every conceivable hypothetical - and you can't fight those! That would be 'fighting the hypothetical.' That's not quite a logical fallacy, but it's definitely not done. So one must concede, at the end of the day one would have to admit the answer to your question 'Would You Have Sex With Me' would be: 'Yes. I would.'

Under certain conditions, you understand. Whatever those may be - surely there are throughout all the possible universes of possibility, certain conditions wherein I would have sex with you. Just as an easy for instance, suppose we were living in a universe where you were a very skilled, very accomplished rapist. Then let's assume you do a thorough job, stalk, lie in wait, pounce - you got me! Incapacitated, there you go. Under those conditions, certainly, there I'd be, having sex with you. It's clear that would be the case. A very unpleasant example, but to illustrate a point sometimes you have to rig the conditions so that people can see, oh, yeah, okay, there are conditions where that could happen. Awful, horrible conditions.

It's actually very cool and useful to be able to inhabit the hypothetical! Once you can fully throw yourself into any worst-case scenario, you end up quite hopeful and optimistic about regular, actual life. Also, you pretty thoroughly figure out what you'd do in those scenarios. So you're pretty much ready-as-you'll-ever-be, just in case. And bonus - you're not really worried, right?! It's not gonna happen - right?

BOO YAH! SO WHAT IF IT DID!? You're prepared! See how that works? There's literally no downside! It's seriously, probably, almost surely not going to happen, but if it did, so what; you're set, see? Because you already know what you'd do. Or at least, you know what angle of attack is your best-laid plan. And sure, we all know how those tend to work out, but who cares - are you a child? Yes, we all know life's a bitch, yawn, nobody's invincible, tell me another story like that, grandpa. Point is: to be able to fully inhabit a hypothetical is a fearsome and masterful talent to have, with arguably, no conceivable downside. It's a skill to cultivate, if you can. Tends to just puncture the hell out of the dread of whatever posited inevitables or far-fetched dreadfuls you might have handy. That's a side tip.

To wrap up our main point, and to answer the question, definitively and for this universe, please. Let's cut out the chase here, ok? Ready for this? Ready for the real, real-world answer? Here it is, with neither further ado nor apologies.

It's not the end of the day. Ok? It's a very long damn way from the end of the day.

The correct answer is 'No,' and for my own personal preference, I'd follow it up with some sincere and relevant-to-the-asker remark about how complimented I am."

Coming up on next week's edition of Approaches To Question-Answering Masterclass: "Are You For Real Or What?"

1 comment:

dogimo said...

I must apologize, but I'm not remotely sorry.

Because nobody ever uses the fucking huge "ask me a question button," here's what you get.