Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Friday, November 01, 2013

Character Sketch: THE GREEN SPOOK (a Fiction Friday Exclusive!)

Background: long sales meeting. I drew a picture of this bad-ass HERO. As will be obvious to anyone who is a fan of old pulps, golden-age movie serials and-or radio suspensers, he's very loosely based on deceased film critic Gene Siskel.

Catchphrase: "NOBODY knows what I'VE been up to! AH HAHAHHAHAHAHA hahahaah HAHAH heh heh, eh...!!!"

Description: "The culprit was last seen fading around the corner wearing..."

HEY! Wait! Maybe his name should be the GREEN CULPRIT. Hm.

Or maybe the Green Culprit could be his spunky, sarcastic teenage girl sidekick. Don't worry, she's probably "of age." Who knows with this guy? He's one of those mysterious anti-hero types, always in trouble with the law!

Um. Back to Description.


- Deep green slouch hat & trenchcoat / pinstripe suit (charcoal green) / midnight green gloves

- Red kerchief, completely obscuring lower half of face.

- Does not seem to be a robot or space alien

- Appears to be a human being

- Sepulchral white face (makeup? Skin condition?), badly pock-marked a la Bryan Adams but otherwise unremarkable

- Odd eye-obscuring mask? goggles? All 3?

Sometimes it is all 3.


- language skills. Has demonstrated comprehension of many, many languages (at least in written form, warning signs, directions, instructions on facility walls etc.) plus comprehension of multiple spoken languages. Only ever heard to speak English (no accent) and Japanese (detectable french accent, but this is suspected to be a deliberate subterfuge!)

- stealth. It would be hard to argue with this one. The only place anybody ever seems to catch this guy is on film, or in an eyewitness account of somebody laid up in the hospital with pretty ugly-looking injuries.

- hand-to-hand combat. Would be an understatement. This dude has displayed a fluid mastery of more martial arts than you can shake a stick at! Definitely does employ recognized styles, forms and techniques - he's not freestyling; he really seems to enjoy execution with perfect form in a known mode. Yet unless you knew what you were looking for, he does it with such ease of transition that he could easily be assessed as having "no style." To trained eyes, though, he's been seen to fight multiple combatants in protracted battles using a different, recognizable martial art technique with each of limbs - at the same time - sometimes keeping each style limb-consistent, seemingly for his own edification and amusement when it doesn't particularly aid him, other times when hard-pressed, he's been seen switching freely between a panoply of techniques, tumbling through all of his limbs in rapid succession, and with every appearance of having been tailored to the opponent! That's fucking nuts, people. However, despite this seemingly indefensible level of crossdisciplinary mastery, he has on occasion (okay, on one occasion) been shown up on a bad day as detectably less competent than the single best practitioner of one specific martial art, at that martial art. This was the only instance anyone has ever borne witness of the Green Spook "fighting dirty," and in fairness, the sole eyewitness also got both eyes blacked, a couple rib-punctured lungs and a nasty scaphoid fracture for her trouble. Testimony indicates "you should see the other guy" and "I would have won on points" - name withheld, no need to embarrass anybody.

Known Equipment:

- triple-action triple-mag submachine gun (full auto and semiauto settings): tracer-action paintball (glowing green, possible tracking or other further chemical-based subaction), hot lead (possible further subaction AKA armor-piercing or hollowpoint) and blanks (possible subaction ?? - SUPERLOUD blanks; airballs {fire loud and far but burst with only tiny paintball-esque impact, deploying variety of smoke/gas}). He has ungodly facility with this sidearm, not only in terms of marksmanship (naked eye or aided by the gun's built-in laser sight or it's a slide-in optical/nightvision-capable scope) but also with switching settings on the fly. He has been witnessed switching between types and varieties of ammo round as many as fifteen times during a single, continuous burst of automatic fire - and with every appearance of matching round to bulls-eyed target to desired effect against that target. That's crazy.

- HUGE GREEN cape - deploys in mysterious fashion from either beneath or as a separating top-layer of the trenchcoat. It IS NOT itself, the trenchcoat - the trenchcoat remains visibly in place when cape is deployed. Cape can be used a number of ways - to parachute, or MAYBE as a glider of the parasail-variety (does not function as rigid or semirigid wings). Also detachable as a trap device or net (corners have novel fastners on them to fix in place on available surfaces), or whatever other creative way you might use a really huge bulletproof tear-resistant cloth. NOTE: it is unclear whether there is more than one cape. His cape has at times demonstrated water and air permeability, but at times it has been shown air-permeable only, at times liquid-only, and at times seemingly nigh-impermeable.

- high-tensile long-range tractorgun (can be clipped to bodyharness, or deployed with optional backfiring anchorcables, at need)

- smaller, shorter-range (approx 300 meters with accuracy) high-tensile wire. Deploys detachably from necktie rigged into body harness. For longer range shots, he has been seen to use a tube-like necktie accessory of not-entirely-clear design.

- twin high-impact, rigid-yet-semiductile-under-certain-kinds-of-stress riot batons. Bright green with a thumb-trigger on the sidehandle-projection to alter to midnight green, incandescent green or seizure-strobe green. He straps these (handle downward) on quick-release thigh holsters.

- usual array of hand- and leg-binders, the obligatory retractable/extensible lassorope/bullwhip, smoke bombs (varying effects, including all the same ones as the submachine gun "airball" rounds, plus a dense and amazingly copious BRINDING BRIGHT GLOWING GREEN FOG bomb!), ninjarangs that flash a weird green hypnotic/seizure strobe light as they fly - somewhat arresting effect! Known to freeze reflexes of the intended (and usually actual) recipient. Et cetera.

- No flying armorsuit though. At least, none that has been presented tactically.

- katana and wakazashi (both back-scabbard mounted - through slots in the trench, the handles can pop or retract as called for)


~ skin impervious to all piercing attacks, body highly-resistant to all impact regardless of velocity or magnitude, body completely indifferent to any frequency, amplitude, voltage etc. of electromagnetic force or radiation, as well as to all burns whether chemical, heat, or cold.

~ has functioned for improbable times underwater and in hard vaccuum, though whether this is a superpower or some kind of air supply is not known

~ has demonstrably behaved as if he is a huge fan of Air Supply, which could in theory be used as a distraction attack. This perhaps should come under "weaknesses," but as it's the only known one and a little on the shaky side, it didn't seem worth the separate section.

~ strength on a level of ten-maximum fury Hulks (I refer to the trademarked Marvel Comics character The Hulk purely for the sake of a well-known fictional comparison. No infringement intended, Marvel! -- but guys? You know what though? Your green dude's a pussy compared to my green dude. And my guy's as calm and cool as his own reflection in a lake, while he does it).

~ two hundred times faster than the fastest Super-Saiyan possible within or beyond the laws of physics known or unknown

- just kidding. He has no superpowers. That you know of.


Like I said, I got one, but I need to scan it in. I spent too long typing this out! Fuck.

Later on I'll do it.


dogimo said...

Fuck, I forgot his shoes!

He's generally barefoot, but since his skin color (feet only, his face is always paint-white) seems to change races all over the place and since he never seems to leave any foot-fingerprints (what on earth do they call those? You can't just say "footprints"! "Toeprints" maybe?), there's a possibility he could be kidding us.

No you know what? Never mind, barefoot is dumb. He wears a midnight-black pair of some pretty sweet kicks! They appear to be a cross between classic 1930s dress-shoes-with-spats and sleek, ultramodern combat boots.

Also, I can't wait for the movie on this guy. NO CGI, GUYS. I'm writing it into the rider.

Also, you never find out his secret identity. As the movie progresses, you realize he could be any number of people, where "any number" may rise as high as to tickle the nethers of seven billion. -ish.

Mel said...

Finally! a superhero who can acknowledge the sweet, dulcet tones of Australian soft rock/yacht rock of the late 70s to mid 80s. Even if only for the purposes of a ruse.

dogimo said...

There's so much I didn't realize about Australia.

Mel said...

Oh yeah, Australia’s pretty much responsible for all the great "A" bands of our time; Air Supply, AC/DC, A Crowded House, ABBA*, A-Ha** and, of course, America***.

*Ok, not technically from Australia but they were heaps popular here.

** Same as above asterisk, except only for that one song.

***Little known fact, the desert that they had been through on a horse with no name was, of course, referring to Australia which is itself almost twenty (20) percent (%) desert, the largest of the landform types covering this great continent.

Jen said...

He's Inspector Gadget, only green.

(Ooo, you're gonna hate me for that one!)

Seriously ... love the pockmarks, the Japanese with the French accent, and the classy shoes.

"charcoal green"?

Obviously, a huge bulletproof/waterproof cape would make the perfect tent on your race up Everest.

About the secret identity, I like the idea that at every moment you find evidence causing you suspect another main character is really TGS.

Jen said...

Now that you've changed your picture, I am totally thrown. Seriously, I thought you were a lot older.

dogimo said...

I am kind of pissed about the Inspector Gadget. But it's very impressive (and a little scary) you were able to guess that one on zero clues! You're correct, his secret identity is Inspector Gadget.

More seriously, the fact is nobody who appears onscreen in the show / comic / movie whatever would ever actually be his secret identity. The Green Spook is far too careful for that. Whoever he "really is" would be simply offscreen, and unknown - though he might from time to time and for some covert purpose adopt a civilian disguise, a la Lamont Cranston.

I really do love The Shadow. He could almost be my favorite supehero. The Green Spook is but a loving homage to The Shadow, The Spider and other such golden age of radio serial era vigilante antiheros.

Oh the picture! Yes, first, yes you are correct I am much older than that picture. Mid-forties! No worries there. Second, that's Bearial - he's a sort of a logo or avatar of mine. Some background here and here.

Mel said...

A friend was having a discussion at the pub about Batman's privilege today. Some in the conversation said he used it fairly appropriately, others said he could be more effective if he focused on grass roots social change. Then someone mentioned, quite rightly, to keep in mind during any deconstruction of Bruce Wayne's privilege that he's a mentally ill orphan.

Then someone dropped The Green Arrow into the discussion and the conversation veered off.

VEG said...

For a moment I thought I actually MET this guy on the subway. He was barefoot, vaguely green looking and mysterious but then I noticed he had a crusty, diamondesque nose piercing and so....nah. He was less impervious to piercing of any sort therefore, I conclude he was just a greenish vagrant. However, I'm pretty certain he adored Air Supply He sure was all out of love.

dogimo said...


marie said...

*whew* I read the whole thing picturing Ebert and I was utterly skeeved. Thank goodness I googled the name and realized my mistake.

dogimo said...

Well he doesn't LOOK like Siskel! He's just "very loosely based" on.