Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

America: A Meditation On Liberty For Justice

The U.S.A. is the great country ever, and the reason is America. We came and built this land of ours, on top of the land of theirs, and the greatness welling up from those now-widely-regarded-as-atrocious roots plus all the heritage that comes flying at you in gobs from all angles of the globe COMBINES, in a MUTANT-FUNK MIX, with just the right emphasis on those truths we all hold so self-evident, dear! SUCK ON LIBERTY'S PLUMP TEAT, FOOL!

Yeah okay it may be a bit tight and dry, but still plenty plump for a girl her age if you ask me. Maybe you need to buy her a drink! Or smoke a fuckin' peace pipe? Or use your right to demonstrate on the street! "Demonstrate" can mean almost anything, you could yell "hell no we won't go" or you could do a science experiment or something. As long as it proves something.

Some people, rather than demonstrate, prefer to "represent." Liberty is what makes it all good, whichever you choose! And emphasize that fact, to your local law enforcement officer. Oh say have you seen? By the dawn's early light? YOU BET I HAVE! SOMEBODY LEFT THE FUCKING FLAG OUT OVERNIGHT AGAIN, AND THAT BURNS ME THE FUCK UP! They're supposed to either take it down or put a fucking light on it, damn-it.

For traditional reasons, rocket's red glare is an acceptable spotlight substitute, long as it doesn't catch the damn thing on fire. Party foul.

Point is, who the fuck dares to put up their own country up against the BIG OL' U.S. OF US!??!! We just taught the whole world to sing and washed it down with a global Coca-Cola enema. To all the other world's nations, I say to you: "Hey, sailor." You know you want our sweet, sweet money and jobs. Well let's cut a deal - if you provide us with the cheap-rate manufacturing overseas we crave, maybe we can work something out! And laugh all the way to Wall-Mart, but good god-a-money somehow them sneakers still ain't too cheap.

America is a great big red-white-blue mixed up ball-of-wax paradox, people, but I can stand here proudly before you today to say: I DON'T CARE




I know it seems out of character. Usually I'm so brutal and critical about America's problems. Comin' up short on the RIGHTS, lately, what with all the patriot act BULL SHIT?! Or for example, your dirty backroom dealings. Or: huge corporate profits! Putting the cart before the horse all the way to the glue factory! The homeless. RACIAL SHIT. And other problems, up to and including the patriarchy.

Sometimes, lord knows, I think it's my country 'tis of SUCKS. But my country knows that. My country knows I leave my foot jammed most of the way up its ass on these and other shortcomings just for the sake of convenience most times, but yet still, every now and then I have to cut loose from deep down inside and say: FUCK'S SAKE!! AMERICA! UH!! GOD BLESS MY KISS MAHSELF! AMERICA! WHOSE YO DADDY?!

Remember everyone, this July 4th coming up is your all-purpose excuse to spout jingoisms and nation-first chauvinism on behalf of YOUR country, too. Just don't expect it to stack up to ours, but it doesn't necessarily have to be all about America, even on that day of days! Beat the drum for Yemen, if you feelin' me all my funky Yemenites.


John Dantzer said...

It is so American of you to post this on Canada day.

dogimo said...

I couldn't wait.

Happy Belated Canada Day!