Fiction Friday: alien on earth reports back

.lock recieved
.what happened this time, unit earth,man

~So
a woman put idea in my head about her clothes
suggesting they were objects only easily disposed
I asked her please to clarify

.
.
.query lock?
.lock ascertained
.what transpired? Do you function?

~Not well by local standards

.alien up earth,man. Born you were
.injected by software perversion attack
.of DNA code, but
.
.you are not one of them. Feeling
.is a stupidity construct do you need
.to terminate and cleanse, or
.choose to report?

~Report, please!
.Continue please then.
.Did object earth,girl clarify?
.Did you view the goodies?

~Master.editor we have covered this. She
is earth,woman and subject, not object

.reporter earth,man we have covered THIS.
.it is your policy to report not editorialize! Must i

~No! I continue.
.Query: did subject earth,woman
>clarify? Or did she
.not?

~Thank you master.editor. I
.do not thank me. I am not welcome to humor
.your changing jargon. First you said girl,
.every specimen of subject-object-fixation
.girl. now you say woman, and your subject-
.-subject-fixation did not change
.in character only, your own
.dumbassessment changed. You stand at
.
.60% probability to go native
.losing link capacity
.
.and were our other reporters
.in bureau.Earth not more incompetent
.and even less subservient than you, your
.termination and cleanse would be scheduled.

~Premature, master.editor?

.No. Full-term scheduling. DO NOT THANK MY
.MERCY. What is mercy!

~Mercy is
.Do not tell me what is mercy. You
.went to great dull lengths to explain
.rhetorical question. Please observe one

~Thank you for clarity master.editor

.You are welcome for any clarity you
.are in actual receipt of,
>and
.can retain possession. Now
.Did subject,girl
.clarify herself?

~No master.editor. No more than was already
in view and not obscured.

.Do you report from jail?

~No master.editor! Never again, I think. I
have learned the concepts to fit me to
in action, not to be jailed.

.Pity. Your jail reports were excellent.

~Not for me master.editor. Has my petition
for reassignment been considered?

.Denied. We have sufficient units earth,girl and earth,
.woman lesbians reporting.

~Accept. I will soldier on.

.????!!!! warlike disposition detected! You
.now stand at 82% probability to go native.

~It was metaphor, master.editor.

.metaphor. what the hell is metaphor. define

~It. It.

.

~I was lying, master.editor.

.You mean a joke?

~Yes! Yes a joke. To joke of war
is most usual.

.
.
.
.Our actuarial hive suggests your assessment
.correct. Caution: do not joke of war.
>Joke of war only to me. Caution
.actuarial hive suggests
>Joke of war
>among natives is estimated
.70-92% cause of war.

~I report praise to actuarial hive. This finding
well-supports ground truth.

.praise conveyed. Continue

~Prime date update.
~>Secondary date scheduled in five Earth days!

.pre-scheduled? Can you be sure
.it remains scheduled? You have been
.mistaken before about secondary
.date scheduling!

~scheduled at culmination of prime
date. Confirmed by bit.mail 60,000
,000 picoseconds prior to lock.

.
.converting units, please hang on
.
.Impressive, earth,man! No mistake indeed!
.How do you account for this, despite
.the social gaffe? You indicate from prior
.report log, to suggest insufficient nudity
.without the other's preexisting inclination
.and chosen receptivity (undetectable)
> is disastrous

~I cannot explain it myself, master.editor,
except perhaps by probabilistic opining

.conjecture then

~Conjectural. I am indeed
~>your top ,man on the planet?

.
.
.insufficient results to conclude. However

~Yes master.editor?

.You may be right. God help you all

~Does master.project.control believe
in God master.editor?

.claims to. Hell if we know. Fair report
.unit earth,man. Pardon me: I mean
>reporter. Please
>be so timely upon conclusion
.of secondary date. That result
.is of great importance to continuing
.public updates, and your Bureau's
.continued existence.

~Accept and affirm. master.editor?

.we are satisfied with your report. You
.would add more?

~Query only, master.editor

.Inquire.

~Is there truth to the rumor that all
subjects on bureau.Earth are
alien-injects?

.
.
.interesting theory
.
.insufficient data, reporter.
.if correct, they are certainly
.not ours

~Pity. It would explain much.

.It would.
.I have opened a project hive to
.assess.

~Petition for reassignment to direct
project hive!

.No no reporter. Your value is essential
.there.

~Petition for project hive, once cohered
~>reconsider my petition to direct it?

.Fine. Will do.

~Thank you, master.editor. Will report
upon findings.
~>Lock off

.*