Sometimes you might want some neat little tricks to pull, to liven up various situations. Here are some!
When you're out and about, have a friend who lives in fairly well sound-proofed lodgings call you on your cell phone every now and then and just scream at you at the top of his or her voice - unreasonably loud, so loud that people near you can hear it. Meanwhile, you talk back in a relaxed, even, amiable tone for the whole conversation. It doesn't even matter what you discuss, really.
When you are out on a date at a really nice, gourmet-style restaurant, after you've ordered an expensive bottle of wine, some interesting salads and a couple of impeccable entrees, turn to the waiter and ask, "And to start off with...do you have anything like Cheezy Bacon Taters?" Because if they don't - they should!
In every coffee shop and laundromat in town, hang up mimeographed 2-color flyers - you know, the kind of flyers you see advertising poetry lessons, or free kittens, or guided group meditation walks - only your flyers say: "I TEACH BEAT-BOX" in bold letters above a bad photo of you - unrecognizably posing in an imposing rap getup and big chunky shades. But then at the bottom of the flyer, where it has been cut into vertical fortune-cookie-sized strips for the phone number - all the strips have been ripped off already, by eager pupils! Maybe one or two of the stubs have a tantalizing two-and-a-half digits of the phone number visible, but not enough to go on. Too bad for beat-box wannabes! Left with no one to school them.
Aw, that's a little sad though, when you look at it through their eyes. :-(
This one's another restaurant one, but it requires a certain common situation to unfold before you can work it in there. When you walk into the restaurant with your date, and you walk straight up to the guy at the podium and you're standing there right in front of him, and he looks at you and asks "what can we do for you?" Just start ordering: "Thank you, we'll start off with the mixed greens salad, she will have the house vinaigrette, I will have blue cheese..."
There was another one I had but that's less of a neat little trick to pull and more like a stinky prank for someone you really hate. Plus it's pretty gross. Doesn't fit the light-hearted tone of these others. But skip that one - let's try a few more!
Give your girlfriend a BEAUTIFUL multi-thousand dollar diamond engagement ring at dinner - but just as a present! No strings attached! Sweet move - first she'll be totally faked out, and then you'll both laugh. Then she'll be thinking to herself, this guy's a real prize!
Actually let's just leave it at that. That's as good a place as any to stop.
4 comments:
I want to hear the gross stinky prank for someone you really hate! Let's see how bad you can get, Mr. Nice Guy! ;P
If you give your girlfriend a BEAUTIFUL multi-thousand dollar diamond engagement ring at dinner just as a present, she's probably not going to laugh uproariously along with you and your fake-out. And you may end up with a ring-shaped mark on your schnozz.
You really want to hear that? It's pretty gross. OK, I'll figure out a way to convey that to you.
HOW can a BEAUTIFUL multi-thousand dollar diamond ring possibly be a bad thing?? That's what I wanna know!
It's not the ring that's bad, it's the presentation. Look at it this way---what would most women choose, given the option: 1) a beautiful, multi-thousand dollar piece of jewelry or 2) a proposal from the man they love? Ideally, and traditionally, the two come at the same time, but given the choice, I think a woman in a serious relationship would usually choose 2 (if 2 had not yet been used up already), even if it came without 1. 1 anyone can give you, even yourself. 2 is a once-in-a-lifetime kinda thing. I don't know, maybe I'm taking the example relationship a little too seriously here. Maybe I'm moving a little too fast, and it would be crazy to be that serious that soon. Yes, I'm sure that's it.
Even so, I'll just take that ring and boot the dope who thought it would be fun to mock the idea that we'd ever have a real future together. And a 1-2 punch for good measure!
But darling! It was only...I was only spoofing society's rigid insistence on the observance of all the ceremonial niceties! I was not, I would never mock the idea of our future together!
Plus...just look at that ring, I designed the setting myself. This ring says "I know it's early days yet, and I know it's too soon for us to speak of such things, but it isn't too soon for me to know that you're worth more than all the beautiful jewelry in the world!"
That would be my counter-argument. In that case. Not sure if it'd do me any good, but at least, "heartfelt" should count for something.
People don't really know this about me, but I swear, I'm one of the most heartfelt dudes in existence.
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