Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Kickass TV Show Pitch: SISSY & THE BITCH

This show is a period piece, set in the early 1980s. The theme song is early 80's awesomeness to the max. No words, just theme. A montage of action plays under the opening narration:

SISSY: "Hi, I'm Sissy. And this is The Bitch. We're just a couple of good ol' boys, making our way in a tough Southern world where there's not a lotta room for faggots. But we don't let other people's intolerance get us down. We rise ourselves above it. Me and The Bitch travel from town to town like Jesus, helping people and getting into adventures. And maybe, just maybe, sometimes we might open up some people's eyes just a little bit."

THE BITCH: "One eye at a time."

These are two big, beefy dudes, all denim and cut-off tees or gas-station embroidered-name vests and the like. They travel in a tricked-out, jacked-up truck with a bold and distinctive paint job. Sissy wears a beautiful cowboy hat, the Bitch wears a bright orange mesh baseball cap, frequently backwards. The Bitch has a RIGHTEOUS 'stache.

All of the affection Sissy & The Bitch display for each other is indistinguishable from normal, straight macho male bonding - high fives, dude-halfhugs, and most especially their banter where they deftly gay-bait each other in exactly the same mocking/friendly tone hetero dudes use to accuse each other of being fags - except that since S & the B are gay, it adds an interesting twist, plus it's a clear case of them empowering themselves.

Even though they're completely butch, and never exhibit the slightest gay tendency, within the conceit of the show each town they come across is immediately/instinctively hostile and prejudiced towards the two homosexuals. But as each week's local crisis comes to a head, the townspeople (or maybe just one or two folks) turn in desperation to the only ones who it seems can help: Sissy & The Bitch.

By the end of each episode, everyone has learned an important lesson. Even the worst homophobes in town have seen the light, back slappingly thanking S & The B for what they done, asking them why can't they stay on in town.

But the road must go on for...Sissy & The Bitch.

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