Dearest McDonalds Corporation,

Hello there dear readers! Some of you can't have helped but notice the many references to McDonald's, the McDonald's Corporation, and McDonald's products on this fine blog - extolatory, for the most part.

Extolatory is not a word.

Others of you may have suspected from the overly, arguably excessively laudatory tone that the whole thing was a bit of a put-on. Well hopefully, this post will lay some of the confusion to rest on both sides.

Dear McDonald's Corporation:

I have some free advice from me to you. Take it for free. It's my advice, from someone who knows what the opinion of a loyal McDonald's customer is worth. My McDonald's consumption is double-digits up, compared to previous year same quarter (in pounds, adjusted for inflation). I eat at your restaurant as frequently as five times per annum, and that's not even counting breakfast! Practically every time I have to work on a Saturday or Sunday, I'm showing up that morning with a bag stuffed chock with hot McMuffin, or McGriddle, or McBiscuit or some similar such. Plus of course: the HashPuck McCrisp! My McBrek is the trick (and the treat!) that makes weekend work bearable.

So take it from me, McDonald's Corporation. Because I know where you're coming from. I am acquainted with the fearsome capabilities of your Product Development Division. I have had the Arch Deluxe. I've corralled the wild McRib. I've rustled up that big, beefy slab known only as the McAngus. I have thrilled to the McDLT, tried to tame the Big McNasty, and I do believe that along the way I have sampled every other premium specialty sandwich you've ever rolled on out down the ol' product pipeline. But there's one specialty sandwich that you haven't tried!

The McMelty.

You have to create a premium menu item to be called The McMelty. I swear, I would eat the hell out of that all the time. I don't even care what it's made out of! If you wanted a non-binding suggestion, I'd say go with the meltiness of hot cheese, rather than that of warm ice cream, but that's an entirely non-binding suggestion. From me, there are no restrictions on this gift I give you, of free strategic marketing advice. You have a free hand and my full blessing to make full use of it to the extent the law allows!

With Most Businesslike Love,

We Here At Consider Your Ass Kicked!

Hm. I like that. I think from now on I'll start a general policy of giving people my blessing to do various things "to the extent the law allows." Not willy-nilly or anything. I'm talking case-by-case basis.

Man, I'd love a McMelty right now. They could even just jump the gun on the whole thing, foregone legacy-wise, and call it The McMelty Classic. As far as I'm concerned, they could definitely do that.

But it's up to them.

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