Good News For M'er F'ers!

For a while now I've been trying to come up with a good substitute to use for the m'er f'er word. It's a very useful word - there's a certain punch and savor to it that is hard to replicate with any other word, really. But I think I've found a good candidate!

I want to specify that I'm only talking about when you're using it in a hostile, challenging way. People these days use the m'er f'er word in a number of ways. I suppose in certain awkward situations, it is still used in its literal sense (ew!). Some people use it in an affectionate way, like "Where you been, [ m'er f'aaaaaaaaaah ]? It's been positively ages since I saw you. You are looking healthy and well!"

But its primary use, certainly its most prevalent us, remains: the classic top hostile, challenging epithet. For those situations where bitch, bastard, dick, dickhead, shithead, fucker, and cuntpisser are deemed too tame, and the "big guns" are what's called for: "M'er f'er, you called me what?"

Well, I'm sure you can see the need to have a word that could be subbed in in a pinch, in those situations, where you want it to have about the same kick, the same impact to the gut, but you'd rather not actually come right out and be calling anybody an m'er f'er due to the context or surroundings. I've tried a whole number of words to substitute, but most came up lacking. Primarily, it's a question of the sound. With m'er f'er, there's a certain visceral hit as it thunks home. Words like, pal, bud, friend, dirtbag, or similar, just have too light a sound to carry the load. But I believe I've finally found a good fallback. A neglected gem. One that we've known about for a long, long time, but that's fallen out of regular use and is due for a reevaluation.

"Chump."

It's got that solid, insulting sound to it. It isn't a dirty word. Suitable for use in church, really! But if you use it right, you can pack a whole payload of hostility into that one syllable. Before you scoff, try it out in certain situations. Try switching it out. Next time you're about to m'er f'er somebody, try chumping them instead. I bet you anything, you'll find it holds up. In fact, I bet a lot of folks who shrug off m'er f'er as so much decorative license will outright bristle at "chump"!

"M'er f'er, you called me what?"