Road Safety Corner #14: An Undercover Driver When I Walk

I've been walking a lot more lately, since I moved closer to work, but it hasn't changed my attitude. All my life, any time I've been on foot, I have never remotely been a pedestrian-sympathizer. When on foot, my entire intent and sympathy has always been on the side of the motorist. I've never in my life been a pedestrian, except literally.

When I walk, I'm keeping an eye out for the traffic flow. Making sure I'm not busting some stopped car's window to roll, or interfering in a much-awaited turn attempt. That doesn't mean I stand at the curb waving cars to go when they've already stopped. No, the people who do that are inexcusably retarded.* If I see I've got the right of way I step brisk to clear on through. But I also keep my eyes open in-between curbs, and I manage my stride to minimize my effect.

Motorists rarely ever need to notice me. If there are two big clots of ambling walkers, and I find I'm walking in the gap between, I'll either step it up lively to join the rear of the front pack, or slow my stroll to take the lead on the back pack. I am most definitely never that one lone stray dude, obliviously screwing up your chance, on what could otherwise have been a free shot through the perfect parting-of-waters. At four way stops, I am ever mindful of my role as "the screener," making a conscious decision as to whose turn it is, who I am assisting and who I'm obstructing.

I can slap all sorts of justifications on this mindset of mine now, and there are plenty: first, it's just considerate. It just is. Second, it's environmentally sound. Very chic right now. These cars use up far more non-renewable energy coming to stops and adjusting their course for you than you do, adjusting a little for them. Third, any extra energy expenditure you have to put out is probably welcome - beneficial! It's exercise (and damn it, the next time I see a bicyclist speeding through a stop I'm going to trip his spokes with a thrown stick! What's the problem, pal? You don't want to stop? It's too hard to get back going again? Well shoot-fire - aren't you doing it for your health? Newsflash: coming to a complete stop at a stop sign is not just better exercise - it's the law, you spandex-pantsed ass. Unless you step down and walk that thing through the crosswalk, you are a vehicle - which means you must obey all vehicular codes. So you've got the stop, come to a complete stop! Then, crank back up the burn. Consider it 'more reps' and a blessing in disguise for your sculpted thighs).

Fourth, (compared to you) a car is an enormously hard and heavy piece of machinery. And even if it's moving under 25 mph, it can kill the living hell out of you if its driver happens to be as oblivious as you were, when you stepped out in front of it. So there's a strong self-preservation aspect: flesh is always far more at risk than onrushing metal.

So yes. As you can see, plenty of good reasons for we on foot to keep every car in mind, and practice consideration and deference to the motorist. But the fact is, those justifications are all after-the-fact, for me at least. Because I've always had this undercover-motorist mindset. When on foot, my sympathies have always been with the wheels, even before I could drive. I don't know why. Perhaps my dad took me aside at an early age and explained justification #4. In fact, I'm sure he did - that's a dad duty, dereliction of which would constitute malparentage, I'm pretty sure. But on top of that, it always just seemed like the right attitude to have.

Still, here's something weird: as soon as I slide behind the wheel of my bad sweet ride, that attitude ends. My mind clicks over, and I am on high-alert pedestrian watch. Also because of #4: it's up to the strong to protect the delicate. Driving is a privilege and a responsibility.

But so is walking, though. At least, it is how I do it.

Comments

Unknown said…
Excellent post. Love the term, malparentage. good one!
JMH said…
I'd like to hear your opinion on the move when a car, taking its rightful turn to go, but screened by a pedestrian, does a slow roll (an idle, essentially) through the intersection at a four way stop, not endangering the pedestrian, but intentionally blocking other cars as the pedestrian crosses.

When I drive, I hate pedestrians. When I walk, I hate cars. I should stop hating, or driving, or walking.

Also, what is the point of wearing Spandex outside of a bicycle race? Do these people get off on being ridiculed?
dogimo said…
@Eva - I know - I'm bristling with neologisms lately! What's with me with that. But I liked it too, thank you very much!

@JMH - I have to respectfully dispute your description of the situation. That car is not taking its rightful turn. If the way is not clear, then it is not that car's turn. Right-of-way is not based on first-come-first-serve - except when the way is clear for all. If one's way is not clear, than one's turn has not come. I'd ticket the living fuck out of that son of a bitch - I would charge him with obstructing justice! If I were a cop, I mean.

Only, on the ticket, I'd cross out "justice" and write in "traffic."
JMH said…
And the Spandex?
dogimo said…
I don't have a problem with people wearing spandex. It's kind of a considerate move, if you think about it. It makes it easier for us to make fun of them!