This was just too much. I couldn't believe the nerve on display here. So I took it to a level that I just about never do: "Do you want to FIGHT?" I asked, belligerently.
His defiant response was knee-jerk, instantaneous: "I'll fight you!" Eyes suddenly glaring, teeth - almost bared.
"I didn't ask that. I said do you want to fight?"
An exchange of momentary pauses and blank, angry looks.
"Come on, this isn't a matter to be decided by apathy. Do you want to fight or not? We don't need to see two dudes mewling all noncommittal, 'well, I'll fight if you want to fight...' We're not discussing which restaurant I'm taking you to dinner here! We're talking about settling things with our FISTS. Now do you or don't you!?"
His face contorted in weird look. No response, then sullenly, suspiciously: "What the fuck are you talking about."
"I'm talking about do you want to fight, or do you not want to fight? I myself don't give a shit!"
"I don't give a shit either!"
"Fine then it's settled!" I declaimed with a calm sense of triumph, the triumph of reason over rampant brawn. I find most things can be settled without resorting to violence.
We ended up at the IHOP.