"The Ass" - yes, that is exactly what I mean. Not in any shape form or configuration. Nobody's ever asked me to do it, and believe me I wasn't going to bring it up! I mean, as much as I am a great admirer of the buttocks, the idea of, to put it delicately...well. Probably too late for trying to put it delicately, so let's just put it frankly and say there's really way better places to put it. Capisce? I mean yeah, I understand some guys go nuts for that. No, to say that I understand is not entirely true. I don't understand. I don't care to understand. It's an act whose appeal I leave to others to appreciate. Let's leave it at that.
Hard Drugs - I smoked pot once. It was awesome, but after I found out later that it was really oregano, I just felt like a fool. I don't know why. I didn't pay for it, it wasn't my oregano.
Grand Theft Auto - either one.
New Order Concert - boy oh boy, though. Would I? YOU BET! Unlike some of the other items on this little list, this is one I'd be champing at the bit to rectify. If only it were possible.
Kissed A Dude On The Lips - relatives excluded, of course. And by relatives, I do include by marriage as well as by blood. Naturally.
Divorce - never done, but if I ever do, I want one of those big, showy ones. Not too traditional, though - something more fun and offbeat. Oooo! Maybe with the ceremony performed in a hot air balloon!
Ahem. I think that'll do. A nice list. A nice representative sample.
3 comments:
Even worse, Joe, it probably wasn't even oregano.
Does your spice rack contain fake oregano?
Or as I like to think of the article ...
We Bought This Sachet of Oregano. You Won't Believe How Many Marijuanas Were In It!
Some of my favourite sections of the article...
Someone, somewhere along the oregano supply chain, has made a conscious decision to substitute other leaves for oregano – but without more information, we can only speculate as to why.
Brilliant! if there's one thing I want in my news articles it's speculation.
And you shouldn't need a lab test to tell you what herb you're actually buying. Consumers should be able to trust that if a product is labelled as 'oregano', it is in fact 'oregano'.
PREACH AND RIGHT ON.
That one company's "we're victims too" response is ridiculous. In the natural products industry we do identity testing of all lots of bulk herbs, a lot sample before buying and test it again once we get the shipment. A company is responsible not simply to try to buy what's on the label but to verify that's what was delivered and that's what's going into the product. Caveat emptor applies to manufacturers as well as consumers! In this day and age they should have an HPLC and whatever other equipment is necessary to identity test their raw materials!
Shoot. If a post-consumer lab can identify what you put in there, you were able to as well. You're name's on the damn label. Shocking negligence, shocking failure to own responsibility.
Love your version of the headline. You could write that article for the Onion!
Haha the comments queue is funny. All the same comment!
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