I'd just be on screen, in a richly-upholstered red leather armchair, maybe in front of some eye-blazing custom-made CGI effects (gotta do it up right, right? Superbowl commercial!) and I'd be like,
Me: "Hi, my name's Joe [ Xxxxxxxx ]. I have no product or service to sell you. That's why you can trust me."[ camera-angle switch, with slight but meaningful pause as I turn to look into the new camera ]
Me: "A lot of people told me I could not follow my dreams, but I proved them wrong. I kept on the path that I had planned hard for, for success. I kept on buying those tickets, week in, week out, and my hard work and dedication paid off: I won fifty million dollars in the California Mega-State Big Ball Lottery. So that's why I'm here to tell you: never let anyone tell you not to follow your dream. Dream Big. Win Big. The California Mega-State Big Ball Lottery."I may have to say all that really fast. I'm not springing for a second thirty seconds! Those lottery punks can fund their own dang ad, at that point.
7 comments:
or it could just be you yelling. How awesome would that be? You're all Joe JOE joe JOE JOE for sixty whole seconds. People would be talking about you rorever!
You know what, you're right ~Jamie! I guess I was thinking, you know, give back a little to the horse that brung me. But why waste my big spotlight moment shilling for somebody else?
Maybe I could just make my ad one big awesome grimy scene of me in fatigues, running and climbing over obstacles and fighting through impossible yet realistically-depicted odds over a soundtrack of maximum-shred kick-ass martial thump-rock. It would look just like a Marines recruitment ad!
Except at the end (foes vanquished), I'd stand alone on the rocky pinnacle, turn my grim eyes on the audience and say - "No you can't join up. Only I get to be THIS awesome."
I like both these ideas a lot more than the lottery one.
But really, I'd think anyone was frivolously foolish to do something like that, especially with only a 50 million dollar win. You wouldn't be getting anywhere near that with the cash payout (the only sensible choice). You'd maybe end up with $20 million after taxes and stuff. And with the economy the way it is, I'd keep my eye on that money. At the very least, give a million to charity! Not to a TV network. :P
I meant 50 mil "take-home." Those megaball ones pay out gonzo!
Really, the only reason I'm going to give so damn much to charities is because I feel it will expiate the guilt of my frivolous excesses. I mean, I'd plan to give like 10 million dollars to charity. In your face, charity.
I wouldn't even claim it on the taxes. I'd just be like: in your face, government. I'll pay you full pop! To me, you're just another charity! GOV.ORG!
I think I'll like you better if you never win the lottery. If you did, my tongue would be really, really macerated and I think I would get a perpetually pained look on my face.
Well I'd hate to have you bite your tongue over found money. I'll just donate the entire proceeds to the government - then it will be like I never won! :-D
There are probably worse inconveniences then winning the lottery. But if a blessing brings more trouble than the blessing is worth - get rid of it, I say.
Somehow I feel as though I have wished a sausage upon your nose.
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