Craving Chinese

So I've been craving Chinese, lately. The cuisine, I mean! Specifically, I've been craving General Chicken. More specifically, I've been craving General Chicken from Tam's on the Westside. But that's too long a haul! The food would be cooled by the time I got back.

So I decided to call one of the places here in town, closer to me. Take a chance. Try a new place. I'll be honest...I was a little nervous. Nobody's General Chicken is as good as Tam's! That stuff is better than CANDY. It's slightly citrus-sweet, crisp, hot, juicy, spicy, there's nothing in it but chicken and sauce and some peppers. It's all that plus a side of rice. So satisfying!

So this new place was nice, they were nice on the phone, I showed up, it was all very cute and nice. I arrived on time and my food was ready that instant. I paid and ran to the car with my hot bag. I was pretty hungry, and I'd been wanting that damn General Chicken for some time. It's been preying on my mind.

Man I tore out of there with that food. I actually ground the gears a little! Which I never do. They call me Mr. Smooth On The Clutch, for the most part.

As I slid up to the stop light, I smelled metal. Like burning breaks? I didn't think I ground the gears that bad! Aw, my poor car. I'm sorry car!

I always apologize profusely to my car, when I wrong it. Because the love is real between us.

Then I sniffed a few more times. Wait, is that the food? Uh-Oh.

HISTORY INTERLUDE

THE LEGEND OF GENERAL TSO

Many do not realize, there really was a "General Tso" of the famous "General Tso's Chicken" AKA "General Chicken." He was a hard man, a stern man. He commanded armies, to whom his word was law. But he was also a delight in the kitchen! After a lackluster day of battle, where his troops' performance was uninspired, the General found fault with his mess chefs. "This chicken you serve the men is bland! Tasteless! Uninspired! From now on, serve the men the same delicious slightly citrus-sweet crispy hot juicy spicy chicken that I myself make for my own dinner!"

"But sir," said the head chef. "Your recipe is a state secret! Any who see it must be beheaded."

"So it is," nodded the General himself, sagely in that wise way he had, which always inspired a certain confidence in his leadership. "Then the secret must be broken! From now on, I give my most inspired culinary creation to all!"

There was much cheering in the camps of General Tso's army that evening, and the next day, well-fed, fortified by that most sumptuous of traditional Chinese meals, the General's men went out and slaughtered the other army so thoroughly that history no longer records who they were, or what they ate!

The rest is History. The rest is Legend.

So anyway, I got home, I ate my General Chicken. It was quite tasty, but not as good as Tam's.

Nowhere's is as good as Tam's.