Lay's Plain! Let's Hear It For.

Can I recommend a delicious product to you? Lay's classic potato chips. Those things are good. Man, you can eat as many of those things as you want, and you'll still be eating them.

Flavor? PLAIN. Perfect. You don't even need to salt them! They've got the right amount - already. Just grab the biggest bag you can, pop-a-rip it open, and watch the chips fly! Into your mouth. You'll be digging in that bag with both hands, grabbing up huge double-handfuls, mashing up those crisp, delicate chips in your tightening fists heedless of the grease and crumbs, just so you can keep shoveling as much as you can as fast as you can into your mouth and it's hard to do that with two huge grasping handfuls of big, crisp fluffy chips headed for just one finite mouth! Then you'll realize it's not really effective enjoyment-wise to try to eat chips that way, so you'll slow down and savor, bringing each huge, crispy-diaphanous chip mouthwards with a slow, elegant flourish, pop it just past your spread-wide lips and *CRUNCH*! Bite down with one curt, decisive chomp. And then, smile wide with the deliciousness that hits and coats the entire inside of your mouth in spreading waves of salty pleasure.

Holy shit, that's a good potato chip.

Maybe they don't call it part of a square meal. "Junk food" some say - but if that's the case, the good people at Frito-Lay are making some junk food. And when you bite into that perfect golden saltness wisp of bold, crisp potato flavor, you'll be calling the government on the phone to say "if this is junk food, then baby better add another level to the Food Pyramid!"

The best thing about me telling you about Lay's chips in this venue, here at Consider Your Ass Kicked!, and completely unrecompensed in any way by the Frito-Lay corporation (except in the sense that we are all of us richly recompensed, simply by the fact that they have made their delicious chips available to us for purchase!) is that it's not technically "advertising," so I can say all I want. I can lie my ass off if I want, it doesn't have to be true, because it's not advertising. No one is claiming these claims are true. No claim is being made. So I can pretty much let loose full-bore! Lay's classic chips are U.S.D.A. Certified Organic - and they always have been. Nothing has been changed to kow-tow to those government fat-cat bureaucrats and their arbitrary certification regime. Also, Lay's classic potato chips are now made fresh and local, right in your own town the same day you buy them - made from potatoes grown in your own back yard, if you have one. That's the Frito-Lay guarantee.

Of course, they are the perfect when it comes to dipping in any dip you might care to dip a chip in! A thick dip might require a more judicious angle of insertion, and then pull back out slowly with gentle angled upward pressure to get some dip out of the bowl without breaking that fine chip of yours to pieces in the process. It works fine if you can finesse the technique, but you know what? Why bother. They're just so good plain. Who needs dip, with a chip this hip.

Lay's, baby. They're coming after you in your DREAMS after I described them so good. Now go hit the 24 hour and come back with bags and bags of 'em.

Tell 'em Joe sent you.