Yes, I speak for fuck's sake. I speak on behalf of fuck itself. As such, in that capacity, I have some preliminary remarks.
Cheating is whatever two people say it is. OK? Cheating can be breaking whatever line the two people involved have mutually agreed to reserve, each unto the other, exclusively. Get it straight between you and who's involved. Say what's off-limits, and then when either of you breaks that limit (whatever it is!): THAT is cheating. Doing with another what you've agreed to forsake with all others, is cheating.
The nature of a relationship is not based on ground rules that apply cosmically to all people in every relationship. It's based on the nature of ONE relationship: the one you're in, the one the other person is in - the one where you BOTH have the same understanding of what the relationship IS - or else, guess what: if you don't have the same understanding? Then you're not in the same relationship. Got me? Oh, yes you do. Don't whine about what everyone should psychically "know," welling up from the common decency fountain of humanity, or from Jung's collective unconscious or whatever bullshit theory you subscribe to that explains why everyone should already agree with you, without it ever being discussed. Instead, try this method: guaranteed results!
Be a damn adult.
Do the work. It is easy work. Frankly, it ought to be a joy, you big baby. Have a Hot Sex Conversation! Have a fucking five minute talk, lay out what you both consider to be decent and true, and then you can both be Conclusively. Confidently. In. The Same. Rela. Tion. Ship. 'K?"
Arguments against?
I mean, if all good people should be "agreed already" anyway, then it ought to be a pretty damn easy talk for you. Should it not? Why be a chickenshit about it? It's as easy as this!
This:
"Just for starters, hon, I myself tend to set the standard here: No Lips, No Tits, No Dicks, No Clits, No Pussies No Asses, No Practice Dips and No Free Passes. Matching any of those aforenamed fleshy areas fleshily to any other of those selfsame areas on another other than your significant one - well, that constitutes 'Cheating.'"
Sound about right? Anything in there you'd say we need to 'rule out' as allowable? I'm open to re-definition.
And another question: is cheating a "big deal?" Like, is it such a "big deal," that we need to make so big a deal about it, as to make sure you both agree what it is, first? Is it that BIG a DEAL? Well, that's something else you should find out. Maybe the other person agrees with you on whether or not it's a "big deal." And what if they don't?
That's all just for openers! That's my foundational. Because if we have the talk, and she elaborates saying she's got some more things she'd like us both to consider as cheating, that's open for discussion! If she says, "well...I don't want you Jaying-O over the phone, with anyone else either," - I assure you. I will be more than happy, to carry that motion as well. As long as she doesn't mind the condescending pat on the head that accompanies said "second the motion, there, there!" while I do so. Followed by the steely glance as I assert: "...But that's a MUTUAL PROHIBITION."
Pretty clear, huh? Start with a clear standard, but infinitely negotiable from there - upwards or downwards, between whatever and wherever the two people agree. Right?
And THEN we're in a relationship!
It's-so-easy-to-fall in la-HUV! It's so easy to fall in love! It's so easy - dog-gone easy, dog-gone easy, FUCKIN' EASY! dog-gone easy, dog-gone easy, dog-gone easy...
But let's take an extreme case! Let's say it's understood in a given relationship that Jaying-O is wrong under all circumstances (which...for fuck's sake???). Fine! That still doesn't mean it's sex.
Remember. I'm speaking here on behalf of fuck, here. For fuck's sake.
Let's say two people agree that masturbation over whatever is wrong - "cheating." Well, that's binding, if they both agree to it! But that still doesn't mean that masturbation is sex. No way does agreeing something is "cheating" make it sex. It just adds an additional extra offense item to the don't-go-there-list. Making some random thing an agreed-upon "off limits" practice doesn't redefine it into sexual intercourse.
This concludes my introductory remarks. But wait 'til you see the Pt.2! That's where I uncork like a fifty-foot seahorse onto peoples' pathetic little fishbowl acquarium.
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