This post is a Pt.2. There was also a Pt.1
Here's where I really begin, in earnest: to speak on behalf of fuck. Yes: For Fuck's Sake.
I don't care whether it's between strangers or a married couple: "internet sex" is not sex. It's masturbation. Okay?
Two people typing? Or videoing? While...ya-knowing? That's sex? No. It most unequivocally doesn't even come close to being sex. No, not even with pictures involved. No, not really.
For god's sake. If a girl's picture gets loose out on the wilds of the internet, and some dude's all grabbing his dick over it - no. He has had NO KINDS of sex, with her. Not on that basis. Not even remotely.
And suppose further! Even if he knows who she IS - suppose he calls her number up! "Hey, how are ya?" - and talks to her so he can hear her voice, while he's...ya-knowing...he still has had NO KINDS of sex, with her!
He's masturbating.
Okay?
Is masturbating sexy? Is masturbating titillating? I'm not advancing some anti-wank plank, here, mind you! Heck no. Who even CARES?(...is kind of the point!)? Who cares. I don't give a toss about masturbation. And neither should you. And neither should anyone. It's harmless. (As long as - well, they say there's an addiction risk, so mind that. And as long as you steer clear of that risk, it ought to be pretty damn boring and harmless). As far as I'm concerned, it's boring and harmless. Harmless and boring. So when people try to place this auto-hand-jobbery-with-or-without-telecommunicatory-or-implement-assistance up next to SEX?? Well yes, I do feel the need to introduce a corrective, into that bullshit. People need quit acting like this distance sex non-even-mutual jack-off session mess is somehow some sexy steamy HOT FUSSY DEAL. Okay?
Seriously. Fuck off with that. For fuck's sake.
You people who think distance masturbation deserves to be equated into anything like the same ballpark with sex? Deserves to be looked at as anything approaching to sex? You have clearly not ever had anything approaching good sex. Get out and do the fieldwork first, before you get all boasty about, "oh, I just had a hot, steamy 'distance sex' episode." That's a load of verbal masturbation, about literal masturbation that doesn't even approach close to the proper and true elation that one ought to at least experience. Once. Before comparing some pale and phantasmal bull shit to it.
I speak on behalf of sex. I speak for fuck's sake. I speak on behalf of something that is pret-ty dang awesome - and if you've experienced it, then holla AMEN!! (in the comments if you must!) And if you really think masturbation is tantamount, then holla SOMETHING ELSE, LOSER!
(um, also in the comments, I suppose)
Remote sex is not remotely sex. Even if the pictures are moving pictures, even if she's right on board and playing along, Talkin' D, even if she herself is jillin' - that doesn't make his jackin' or her jillin' a single quantum iota more towards intercourse. It's just a lot of jerking off. I don't get the "steamy" or "transgressive" aspect. Go titillate yourselves someplace else with that. Do what you like, but call it what it is. No shame in what it is, is there? For fuck's sake, can there possibly be any shame in just admitting that a given thing happens to be incomparably WAY LESS GREAT than sex?
Anyway. Those are pretty much just random thoughts on the topic. My stalker was OBSESSED with accusing me of all sorts of internet seductions and perversions. Also of being ugly, having a tiny dick, being homosexual, being a serial womanizer, being fat, being a sociopath - she was big accuser! I never understood why she thought anybody would be sensitive to grossly inapplicable accusations. I think she was just fishing for me to give myself compliments. I'm not interested in that game!
But I was always stymied and fascinated by what the fuck her huge forbidden attraction to distance sex was. Distance sex is a ridiculous and sad contradiction in terms.
That doesn't mean I think distance sex a bad thing in and of itself. It only comes off poor by comparison to sex. And it is very bad, very poor, by comparison. For some couples, it's a way to make the best of what you've got! But so is Nutrasweet, when that's all there is available - and that shit's not sugar.
I have no problem with any of the harmless things that people can consensually share with each other, together or afar. Just don't be all boss and frothy acting like a fool like it's some hot sex act you just had. "Yo - she or he just totally just FUCKED me. Rocked my world." REALLY? Wow. And with your own hand, too! Attaboy/-girl, you sex machine you.
Please. Don't come off all sassy like it's some big whoop. Because I for one will laugh my ass off in your FACE, and frankly THAT will be closer to sex that what you just had. Don't tell me about John Kennedy. I knew John Kennedy. What you just had is not John Kennedy.
Phone "sex," internet "sex," chat "sex," whatever you care to call it. To paraphrase Abe Lincoln - who you KNOW don't lie - distance sex is the shadow of a wing of a chicken that starved to death, compared to the big honking glorious goose of actual sexual intercourse. Whatever other light, silly, crazy fun we peoples of today are having, god bless us! Whatever floats our mutual and respective boats, let us charts our own course, to be sure! All hands on deck and batten down the ever-lovin' hatches! But whatever other extra activities you may place on the curriculum, just don't go impugning True Acts of Fuck by comparing your little doodling and diddling to that. Because whatever else you got, it's not a patch on that.
Except, from what I hear - the intravenous injection of heroin. Okay. I can't say, I wouldn't know on that one. But supposedly! Still: regardless, even if that were such a legendarily better hit, for all the various aspects entailed it's still nothing close to being sex. Let's not cloud the issue, please.
This has been a statement on behalf of fuck itself. Now for fuck's sake, please go about your bizzow.
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